big news: we're moving & i smell like dried sweat.

i've been avoiding this post for a while.

partly because i've been busy, but mostly because it makes the news so final.

right now, i'm sitting with an empty stomach after my final (and possibly most intense) 6am workout at crossfit palo alto. the damage is called "whitten" and i'll be paying for days. admittedly, it was a great way to end my 2.5 year stint with cfpa......wait, i'm digressing.

this is the post announcing that my husband and i are moving to ennis, montana.

but that's not all. we're not just moving to ennis in the dead of winter! that's just our first step. actually, we're spending 2014 creating a LOT of space to recover from one very intense year. and by "intense," i mean full of major life transition. there was the dying and death of my husband's mother, leaving my beloved workplace of six years, planning a wedding, marriage, and now preparing to move to another state. i'm tired. 

actually, i'm exhausted.

deep in my core, i know this is the right must thing to do. i just know it in my bones. but boy, it's been go go go non-stop to get to a place where we can finish well. 

for us, part of adjusting to being newly married includes a massive purge of our belongings. everything is up for question. our goal is to minimize our stuff down to one carload. (oh, we also sold both our cars and bought a used suv and affectionately named him "buddy." pics to eventually come.) besides a couple boxes of keepsakes per person, we're using inspiration from the 100 things challenge and zero waste home to guide our process of simplifying our lives. the hope with this experiment is that we can live a more thoughtful lifestyle by wasting less. we want to create more space for the really juicy stuff of life (people, experiences, imagination, creation, relishing nature, paying attention, relationships, values, Presence, being, whimsy...) by minimizing the distractions (artifacts that symbolize the "what if's," excessive amounts of clothes...basically, CRAP).

this process ebbs & flows between being emotionally draining and invigorating (mostly the former). it's not common practice for the typical north american household to minimize their belongings. however, it is common to live a life of accumulation. an extra water bottle here, another pair of cute boots there, craft supplies i never used but believed i must have in a moment of inspiration, booksbooksbooks, knicks & knacks. and i prided myself in living simply.... (major ego blow enters here.)

and then there are all those things i collected along the way that symbolize a story. a journey. an adventure. those tiny purple rocks i collected lakeside in glacier national park, that other little rock i carried out from the bob marshall wilderness, the feather i once found on the trail, the shiny yellow rock that stood out among its peers on my first solo backpacking trip.... those things remind me of my fear, and the courage to overcome them. how do i get rid of those things? or do i? (i still haven't decided on those yet.)

for now, all i know is that we're having a massive load of stuff picked up tonight. and the next day, there will still be more to sift through. but with each day, we get closer to a life of material freedom.

we're taking it one day at a time, until we reach the morning of january 1st, 2014 when we hug our dear friends farewell and look at our home one last time before we begin our journey onward.

ps. it's almost 2pm as i wrap this up. and yes, i really do smell like dried sweat. 

tedactive 2013 | top talks

i had the immense pleasure of attending tedactive again this year. this was my third active, which makes me a "veteran." (i'm not sure i've ever been deemed a veteran in anything. i think i'm too young for that.) i even got to go to a veterans toast. lol. it's funny to think about this because it was only two years ago when i had my first tedactive experience. i left with my eyes wide open, mind blown open, and heart filled to the brim, and now, i welcome first-timers to experience their first in the same way.

in fact, it's hard to believe that it was only a few days ago that i was hugging people farewell. it feels like half a lifetime has passed by already. honestly, it's been harder to adjust back to work/home life this time around. i miss the tedactive community. i miss who i am in that space. i miss the connections that get forged instantly through a smile and a simple ask  ("what do you love?"). i miss these things. badly.

so to memorialize my favorite talks of this year, i'm posting them here with a quick comment on why i loved them so much. thankfully, some of these are already available online. please don't miss any of them! 

1. Ron Finley (renegade gardener): “plant some shit” - he was so unTED-like, which charmed me all the more. He wasn’t about all of the hype, starting a non-profit, or any of that…he just does what he knows is right. Easy. I felt like he was the most real speaker this year. 
2. Phil Hansen (multimedia artist): blew me away with the destruction of his artwork, displayed as artwork. I just loved how he incorporated time as a element of his art. 
3. Allan Savory (grassland ecosystem pioneer): his vulnerability struck a deep chord in me. He was the cause of 40,000 elephants getting destroyed, and now he lives towards creating something generations after us will enjoy. He seemed to have one of the most feasible, realistic  action steps that we can take to preserve the grasslands. And yet, I feel like he will get a lot of resistance b/c his idea is prophetic and disruptive to our status quo.
4. Amanda Palmer (musician): she’s lives in a fearless way. I love how her pursuit of “letting people pay for music” challenges my worldview. 
5. Hyeonseo Lee (North Korean activist): I saw my mother in one of the pictures she displayed of the North Koreans in the Chinese prison. (The woman wasn't really my mother, but someone who could've be.) I just felt a deep sadness and connection to her story and to the many stories intimately tied to my ancestry. 
6. Dan Pallotta (charity defender): I so resonated with his message and how I’ve experienced it to be true at HopeLab. We, the people, desperately need a new view of the non-profit sector. 
7. Shane Koyczan (poet): OMG. I cried after Shane and Hyeonseo’s talks.

Extra Credit: Julia Sweeney (comedian): she so artfully made fun of all the seriousness of TED and helped me erupt into laughter (after a bit of shock).

bits of inspiration.

some creatives i've been adoring lately:
john hendrix. illustration / i particularly love his drawing in church pieces.
lisa congdon. type+illustration / enjoying her 365 days of lettering project. 
andrew ryan shepherd. multimedia storyteller / his deeply enriched sensibility and vision.
theo gosselin. photographer / his wicked life. fascinating just to get a peek. 
eric ryan anderson. still+moving pictures / sheesh. 
the great discontent. interviews / so many amazing creatives tell their journey.
roost. photographer & chef / it all started in service and love to her husband. amazing food photographer, living a beautifully simple lifestyle
kinfolk mag. art+photos+connection / a publication all about connection & beauty. i am having a mad love affair with them. 

heaps | urban ore ecopark

remembering how inspired i was at this junk yard of reuseable goods... 
i have a fantastic idea that's only remained an idea since it's inception. i need to act!

 

 

friday morning thots | 9.2.11

i have watched this clip of kevin st. laurent & micaela hellsten lindy hopping several times now and every time, i can sense their connection even more powerfully. 


kevin gets micaela to move her body, by way of moving his body. he doesn't stand still and flail his arms around to try to manipulate her body to respond. if he did, all she would do is move her arms. that would not be dancing, that would be some variation of an arm wave. instead, his entire body is engaged and essentially does what he wants her to do (in simplified terms). and she follows it all, really well! it's completely natural and so damn beautiful to witness that kind of connection. two bodies becoming one, yet each with their own sense of personality and flair. and the whimsy!!!! oh. i love.


there's a guy i dance with on wednesday nights; his name is gabe. he's my favorite person to dance with...the connection is unreal sometimes. i remember one time i was so surprised and delighted by how he got my body to respond to one of his leads. i was so impressed with the move and i could tell he was pretty proud of having led it. i think it's tremendous when we can experience this kind of connection (not just in a dance context) with something/someone. it brings me pure joy and fills me with hop(e). 


i missed lindy hopping this past wednesday due to a major lack of sleep. my spirit missed it....my body, even more. i need to dance!

high sierra trail | question certainty

before i left for the sierras, i made a comment about a certain photo of a women wearing her bikini on top of mount whitney. i said (rather judgmentally) that i "certainly won't be wearing my bikini when i summit." 


well, i'm happy to report that attitudes change. and in fact, opposing opinions can easily turn into inspiration if we let go our our egos and remain curious. yes! that is me plus six others in our underwear on top of mt. whitney!!

my friends and i agreed to strip down to our underwear/bikinis when we arrived at the summit. in fact, our two new friends scott & alisa (dad & daughter thru hikers) were open to the idea as well. so when we all reached the summit, we looked at each other and said, "are we really doing this?!" there was an unsaid excitement in the air as we quickly stripped down in the cold. we recruited a lady walking around in her green puffy jacket to take our pictures while a 15-person boy scout troup we yo-yoed with during the trip, hooted & hollered in the background. 


my lesson learned is to consider my certainties....and to re-consider them.


maybe my no or yes can turn into inspiration for saying yesyesyes! or nonono! maybe in re-considering the things i'm absolutely certain - even judgemental - about can be a source for whimsy and inspiration, that i can even invite friends (and strangers) to take part in. maybe it's a source for creating those unforgettable moments that break us out of what we think we know in order to experience something we wouldn't have even considered. maybe it's a catalyst for stepping more and more into being alive. and certainly...it's a source for immense fun!  ;-)

wdydwyd? | bike camping to sam p taylor (again)

you know how time spent browsing the internet can go: click click click click click, pause, click click (sometimes leading to an exorbitant length of time wasted). well on one of those clicks, i stumbled onto this photo through a twitter connection. you'll notice on the bottom of the picture an opaque "wydydwyd?". when i saw it, i wondered what the heck that crazy long acronym was about, so after a .013 second search, The Google told me what i needed to know. except, the answer unexpectedly invited me into a much larger question: why do you do what you do? 

(thanks a lot google.) anyway, the question was haunting because it was impossible to get out of my head! fast forward a few days from the initial click and i get presented with a bit of a dare to post my own wdydwyd self-portrait from isaac (the guy in the photo) and he would in turn share his most impactful excerpt on joy + how that joy's manifested in his own life. (the topic of joy is in response to the work i'm doing for hopelab's joy campaign.) it seemed like an intriguing trade!! 

so this weekend while bike camping up to samuel p taylor, i thought it'd be fun to invite my biking buddy kristen to participate (...as well as whoever else we'd meet along the way)! here are the folks who we asked to play, including kristen:

(from left to right)
bc / 24 / farmers market stall employee
jim / 37 / marin community farm stands organizer
paul / 33 / artist, illustrator, cyclist
scott / 58 / sand sculptor, artist
kristen / 26 / flight attendent, climber, up-for-adventure gal pal

you know what surprised me? 
bc, jim, and scott had immediate responses when presented with the question! they didn't hesitate at all. i was inspired by their clarity and confidence in the moment. 


and then there's my response to wdydwyd. i had a few statements that resonate true for me right now, but the one below is most befitting since one of my intentions this year is to live in the reality that i am beloved. in this particular journey, i've noticed that the gift is two-fold: i've been able to believe not just in my own belovedness, but also enter into others' belovedness (both of which which can be challenging at times).


i'm finding that to see oneself and to see another as beloved might be one of the most motivating reasons to be kind, tender and vulnerable, to show grace and to practice integrity, to commit and pursue, to speak truth, to be open to changing, to delight and to choose to love...


so why do i do what i do? because i love being changed by:


(ps. this photo was taken on a tree stump with a timer. apparently, i missed my head and stood about 12" from being in focus - a lovely recipe for an interesting photo!)


thank you isaac for challenging me to act on my curiosity & to reflect on this simple, yet profound question.

squaw valley | western states

this time last year was my first experience witnessing a 100-mile ultramarathon. it was completely exhilarating and inspiring to be at western states. while directing traffic at the robinson flat aid station (mile 31), i watched wave after wave of crew members coming and going to support their runner. during a short pause of incoming cars, i stood there completely moved by the dedication i witnessed from these families and friends. then i had this moment, standing between the parking lot and road, overlooking the mountains, when i decided that i would run this race at some point in my life. the dream got securely tucked away.

but as dreams go, it doesn't just suddenly come to be. we need to work hard to achieve them. so far, this year has not been a good running year. it's been injury after injury and a very slow recovery. and although things are finally on the up swing, i sense that i still need to take it easy. i have this gut feeling that this year is about staring from (almost) zero and re-training my body and mind. and as much as reducing my running to a minimum seems counter-intuitive, i think it will ultimately help in my body's longevity. so going to western states again was not just to volunteer and to go on an adventure with friends, it was to nurture my dream. 


emily, mary, and i drove up on friday and stealth camped at the french meadows reservoir. as you can see below, the space was exquisite. the expansiveness of that place nourished me.

 












all three of us had a blast volunteering. the robinson flat "family" remembered me from last year and welcomed us with warmth and enthusiasm. i even got to see several of my running crushes as they zipped through our aid station. (woo-hee, they are smokin!) but the thing i loved most was serving the runners from the point they made it up the super steep hill to the moment they left the station. refill their bottles, get them drink, offer snacks, fill their hankerchiefs with ice, ask them how they're doing, listen, point them to the way out and wish them well. it was such a joy to give out of the overflow of love i felt for these runners (even the very demanding ones). 


last year, a dream was planted. this year, a passion got clarified. i realized that i love supporting people as they passionately pursue the fulfillment of their dream(s), especially in the context of community. it completely energizes me! i'm curious about how all this will fold together. 

inspiration | tunes

these days...
poison & wine, the civil wars
bon iver, bon iver (reminds me of this out-of-this-world morning at the cemetary)
cosmic love, florence + the machine

inspiration | the decisive moment

french photographer henri cartier-bresson articulates the way he exists in the world in this video, in such a way that helps me understand myself better. he's the grandfather of what i love and therefore am part of his lineage. beautiful! 

my favorite quotes in the 18 minute piece:

"life is once, forever."

"it's a recognition of an order that's in front of you."

"photographs you can look at over and over. not many. not many."

"i stood in front of him for maybe an hour and a half in utter silence."

"there's no rule."

"it's an instinct."

"it's a question of awareness. everything in your body, rar. that's beautiful....for me it's a physical pleasure, photography."

"it doesn't take any brains, it takes sensitivity, finger, and two legs."

"i'm extremely impulsive. terribly. it's really a pain in the neck for my friends and family. i take advantage of that in photography."

"i never think. i act. quick."

"you have to forget yourself. you have to be yourself and you have to forget yourself."

"poetry is the essence of everything."

"there's no new ideas in the world."

"death is present everywhere"

"there are some places where the pulse beats more."

"places where i'm at all the time, i know too much and not enough. and to be lucid about it is the most difficult."

"your mind must be open. aware. aware."

"what is interesting is consistency. to keep on on on on."

"the camera...it's a way of shouting the way you feel"

"the camera...it can be a warm kiss. it can be a sketchbook, the camera."

"i enjoy shooting a picture, being present. it's a way of saying, 'yes yes yes!'"

"there's no maybe, all the maybes should go in the trash."

"it's the enjoyment of saying yes, even if it's something you hate. it's an affirmation. yes!"

i wonder what it would be like to live more instinctually... how might i practice that? perhaps saying, "yes yes yes!!" to what arises next. 

a crush.

really really into thomas merton these days. 
if you're inspired by any of his work, would you mind sharing your recommendation? there's just so much to digest!
xo

vulnerability.

brene brown posted something today that i want to respond to: what is vulnerability? for me, right now, 
vulnerability is:

• letting go
• letting something in, being open to being changed
• acceptance
• taking a chance
• strength
• saying yes to the process
• learning without judgement
• experiencing grace and compassion
• just being

vulnerability feels like:

• craziness. hahaha
• anxiety and insecurity
• needing to be busy doing
• loneliness
• courage.

riding the wave of vulnerability is tumultuous; it totally brings out my insecurities. but once the sediments finally settle and i can see clearly again, i sense the depth of peace and joy that comes from choosing the very thing that makes me come undone. it's only after i ride the wave to shore that i can see how far it's brought me. meanwhile, the ride is both exhilarating and reason to be super aware & present, with both feet planted. 

lil bits of inspiration

pop-up books.

a magical hill.

"she got jumper cable lips / she got sunset on her breath now / 

i inhaled just a little bit / now i got no fear of death now"

a small town. 

fascinated by { ...continued}

no coincidence that in just a short amount of time from posting my emerging fascination, i (re-)came across these two pieces of woodwork inspiration:
ron van der ende
&
knife & saw


mmm...
gives me the warm & fuzzies.

wildly inspired.

i sense a deeper stirring that's solidifying something inside.

it doesn't have a name(s) yet. and it may never...

but what i know of it in this current moment, looks a lil something like these things:

sprouted kitchen's recipes, but more...the photography

baba olatunji's soul

mumford & sons' lover of the light...this song has been on repeat. i am completely captivated by the lyrics

the fancy's fancies

ralph marston's twitter feed

& a few words:

nourishing

dignity

sanguine

enough

belong

& a question:

what is my dream?

friday morning thots 3.25.11

something beautiful happened to me on wednesday night.

i was watching a live talk given by jesh de rox, who i had the extraordinary pleasure to meet back in september 2008 in arizona. he's a beautiful soul who poetically lives out what i think is an extraordinary life. and he's stirring up the inspiring beloved movement. one quote in particular that jesh shared moved me to my core. "most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." - h.thoreau

i want my song sung all the days of my life...

& then i watched lady gaga's recent interview at google. for someone i had no interest in, she completely captivated me - for all 1:11:33!! after observing her, i give gaga my respect for unashamedly living out exactly who she is. beneath those large shoulder pads and thick eye make-up is a delicate-strong soul who has gone into the darkness to emerge as a lover who loves extravagantly.

& then, i left to do my favorite wednesday night activity: lindy hop! i knew it would be a good night of dancing - i mean really good. the usual good connections were even more fine tuned and with the leads i'm so-so with...well, i just chose to get funky and have a blast anyway. what i realized is this: it doesn't matter who i'm with or what i'm doing; it's about how open and present i am in that particular moment that determines how much fun/joy/love/gratitude i can and will experience. i get to choose what this life's going to be about, at every moment.

& then...i stayed up until 3:30am.

just because.

seeing beauty in what is disregarded.

check out how beautiful scaffolding can be.

some of these images are simply stunning and indubitably a piece of art in it of itself. yet, the scaffolding is often seen as something to merely support the creation (or restoration, in some cases) of something even more stunning. i'd argue that the scaffolding is equally as beautiful, if not even more so. the scaffolding allows our imaginations to birth and it denies its permanent existence in order to make room for our dreams to become reality.

what does your scaffolding look like?

what is your scaffolding giving birth to?

friday morning thots 3.18.11

i want to collaborate on a creative project with unexpected, disparate, inspiring people.

get the people in a room...and see what emerges.

--

the past two days, everything seems exquisite.

--

the softness of hairless legs + my pajama bottoms.

you know it -- it's simply, exquisite.

--

our bodies know exactly what it needs. just listen.

this week, i needed lots of protein & iron.

kale, citrus, quinoa, spinach, lentils, eggs...

my body's grateful.

i know it because it told me so.

--

i'm such a procrastinator. i own it.

in fact, i'm procrastinating right now!

--

inspired by brene brown these days.

& reading her book, the gift of imperfection.

'until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart.'

-b.brown

--

joy really does exist hand-in-hand with gratitude.

--

been getting a lot of soul-ful, bear-like, monster hugs these days. i lovelovelove the heart-to-heart contact. mm...

friday morning thots 2.25.11

"to show great love for God and our neighbor we need not do great things. it is how much love we put in the doing that makes our offering something beautiful for God." - mama t

the fosths // steve, heather, ian, & georgia mae

simply put, the fosths are my family.

we met one very fateful thanksgiving day in 2008 & everything changed. my encounter with the fosths, particularly heather, reminds me that i never know who i might meet and how we may alter the course of each others' lives forever.

if i could offer one word of advice, it's: pay attention to the connections you make & the people you meet.
let yourself be affected.
let yourself be drawn in.
let yourself be changed.






we spent a lovely afternoon at foothill park in the exclusive palo alto residents only hideaway. (the only reason we got in was because there was no park officer guarding the entrance.) it was my first time being out in the beautiful hills since my injury, and i felt full from breathing in soft wafts of nature love. :)





i was especially struck by how georgia mae was completely in her element. she ran ran ran all around the open space & it was clear to me that in this space, she could be the free bird that she was created to be. i loved watching her, when i wasn't taking photos of the rest of the fam.




and ian. my gosh he is photogenic. just look at this handsome boy. he's charming, isn't he? *future heart breaker?


we ended on this amazing note.

i love you guys.
xo,
lizzy