planning our wedding: our itemized budget

i have a story in my head that there's an overarching issue in our society regarding the private nature of money. we tend to be very hush hush about it - me included! it's usually an "undiscussible." i wish we lived in a more disclosing manner, not hiding behind shame or guilt or pride or fear of judgement. i imagine we might be more open to disclosing what we have (or don't have) if we honestly believed money was an arbitrary gift, and therefore neither mine or yours, but rather, ours. it's a gift that comes and goes; money is simply part of a flow.

one thing i noticed when we were planning our wedding was that folks would be eager to share things like the minute-by-minute schedule, mile-long to do lists, budget categories and advice - lots of advice! (i do it now too. oh dear.) but no one ever voluntarily shared their itemized budget with us. i'm not sure i even asked because i didn't think it was okay to. "how much money they spent is their business. it would be too invasive to ask," i told myself. would it have been?

i think it would've been helpful to have a frame of reference to get a sense of how much things cost - for real, not just in my fantasy la-la head. 

anyway, in the spirit of greater transparency, i want to share ours. i hope it's of service to you. if you have any questions about it, i am more than happy to help in whatever way. you can email me at lizsong (at) gmail.com or leave comments below.

notes:

• thanks andrew for pointing out a glaring omission of our photographer! corrections made above! 
• we had approximately 100 adults & 20 kids in attendance.
• $5135 was the total we spent on gifts/thank you's and family care. this was much more than we expected to spend, but in the spirit of generosity, we wanted to make sure people knew we were extremely grateful for all the ways they supported us. 
• samuel's shoes cost $130 because we got his granddad's old shoes restored. they were beautifully done by the european cobblery. and then of course, we had to find the perfect belt to match, which also happened to cost $125. i've never paid that much for an accessory, but i learned that men's apparel is extremely particular! it all needs to match! now we have a suit fo life. (samuel just can't gain any weight.)
• i bought a shirt "i had to have" for the our saturday night family dinner. totally didn't need to have a new shirt for that evening. #emotionalconsumerism
• i also bought a slip to wear under my dress. it was high quality and the only one i found that actually worked. i don't regret buying it, but now i have this $90 slip i've only used once. it's very unlikely i'll use it again. what do you do with these one off purchases from a wedding? 
• a shift in perspective: when we were living in the bay area, we thought, "wow, we planned this wedding for a steal!" especially when we compared it to stories like, "we only spent $30k. that's pretty low." but now that we live in rural montana and see what some people live on, i feel like we spent quite a bit for our wedding. (and after reading this post from mr. money mustache, i'm like...whaaaht?) my perspective has definitely shifted!

anything strike you about our budget?

mystery.

it the moment, we may never know why we make the choices we do, why we experience what we experience, why someone chooses to engage with us the way they do, or even why we feel a certain way.... and maybe we never will. 

but what i am learning is that regardless of ever understanding or knowing the answer to the "why's," the duly important process is to stay engaged and to stay true to one's Heart of hearts (kardía) in our journey. kardia will guide us to what's really important; there God dwells.

i believe that one day - likely not in this lifetime - we will come to know the why's. and when we finally arrive at that point where our unknowns become known....it won't even matter. so why do you think it matters so much now?

quote | the cost

"It costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the enlightenment or the courage to pay the price. One has to abandon altogether the search for security and reach out to the risk of living with both arms open. One has to embrace the world like a lover. One has to accept pain as a condition of existence." - Morris West
Source: quoted at herondance.org


what does it look like to "embrace the world like a lover?"

friday morning thots | 8.12.11

stirring around in my noggin, in the flesh & the most invisibly visible places:

• bike camping again this weekend. 3xs in one month = a very surprised me!
• 63 assisted pull ups and zercher squats has made me one very sore girl.
• i feel like a wild bird in this exact moment! 
• what does kindness look like? 
• failure is not fatal. but GEEZ, sometimes it just feels so miserable!
• "ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line." brene brown
• "tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" mary oliver
• i am so grateful. so so grateful. 

happy friday!

(if you remember, tonight is the perseid meteor shower. get up high and stay up late. if you miss it, at least enjoy the almost full moon. (full moon is 8/13, fyi.))

seeing beauty in what is disregarded.

check out how beautiful scaffolding can be.

some of these images are simply stunning and indubitably a piece of art in it of itself. yet, the scaffolding is often seen as something to merely support the creation (or restoration, in some cases) of something even more stunning. i'd argue that the scaffolding is equally as beautiful, if not even more so. the scaffolding allows our imaginations to birth and it denies its permanent existence in order to make room for our dreams to become reality.

what does your scaffolding look like?

what is your scaffolding giving birth to?

the way things are. 12/25/10

it's simple.
we all just want to be loved.
& to love.

we're all moving through this life trying to figure out how.
& i wonder if "figuring it out" means merely to accept what is already true - that we are loved & and therefore are able to love.

we all sow.

this morning, i went running in the baylands and was filled with thanks that it's pretty much my backyard.

it's a place
of stillness,
of peace,
of solitude
for my entire being.

i felt at home running at sunrise, listening to creation.
it was in this space that my morning's reflections arose.

what percolated today was this idea that we all sow seeds in each other. everyone we connect or disconnect with, we have/are/will sow something and get sown in. for example, charlie sowed the first running seed in me, then that blind date guy came and watered it - & it's been growing since - i feel the roots deepening in rich soil.

this idea got me wondering...
what is it that i am sowing in others (consciously or subconsciously)?
and what others are sowing in me?
what seeds am i letting grow inside of me?
and what seeds do i notice i do not want planted?
which seeds are getting watered? by whom?

are the ideas/beliefs/values/dreams/fears/loves/hates/desires inside you currently the ones you want to be planting their roots in your soil? if so, how can you continue nurturing those seedlings? if not, what might you need to do to uproot the plants that don't belong, in order to make room for what will bear irresistible fruit?

gluten-full.

since january, i stopped consuming gluten. (well, except for this one time i had a giant piece of the best-cake-ever at my sister's bridal shower.) i found out i was intolerant, and attributed my itchy eczema problem to gluten. i needed something to blame because my symptoms were becoming miserable.

well, the eczema came back, even with 6 months of a pretty drastic lifestyle change. it was disheartening. so i went to an allergist to find out what he thought of my problem.

what did i find out? that i'm likely not allergic....possibly intolerant....but it's inconclusive. as most trips to the doctor are, i left feeling unsatisfied with their cop-out answer.

so what did i do? two things: 1) decide in my head that my body is not going to be affected by food allergies anymore and 2) start consuming gluten again.

i had a sandwich the next day, because i was craving one for weeks!
& a few days later, i had a burrito. oh-my-gosh, it was so satisfying to bite into all that flour tortilla.

& this past friday, i had my very first gluten-full grocery trip. bread! pita! cereal!
holy smokes, it felt so good that i almost felt like i was sinning or something. ; )

what if we can decide something and it just happened?

where the unnatural intersects with the natural.

sometimes the most unlikely of things come together to become something captivatingly beautiful. where do you notice those intersections happening in your life?

cropping originals

i wrote a while back about extreme cropping and how sometimes we need to search for the image within an image.

well, i want to get your opinion. this is another picture of emily g. that i took, and for whatever reason my eye is very drawn to it. it's nothing fancy, but it's exactly what it is that i like.

but i also felt like something might have been a little off, so i tried cropping it differently and wondered what y'all thought. which do you prefer?

[a] original


[b] zoom


[c] zoom zoom

welcome to my

back yard.

it's full of weeds...just full. *big sigh*
yet amid the untamed growth, there's a simple beauty to be noticed. this white plastic chair sitting out being weathered on, has captured my attention. i finally decided it was time to photograph it.

what emotion do you feel when you see it? i wonder if you feel what i'm feeling. curious...