friday morning thots | 8.19.11

two things:
...
what i have learned
what i have come to know as true,
solidifies via passage through a wilderness

...

if you do something enough times, you'll get good at it. 

it's just a matter of what you're getting good at. 

today, i'm running from one place to another to take care of my last few errands before i take off for a week-long backpacking trip in the sierras - the high sierra trail, to be exact. and on the very last day, we plan to summit mt. whitney where apparently, some people wear bikinis at 14,497' elevation. um, i certainly won't be wearing my bikini when i summit, but i'm glad someone felt the need to do so and post it on the trusty internets. cheers!

friday morning thots | 8.12.11

stirring around in my noggin, in the flesh & the most invisibly visible places:

• bike camping again this weekend. 3xs in one month = a very surprised me!
• 63 assisted pull ups and zercher squats has made me one very sore girl.
• i feel like a wild bird in this exact moment! 
• what does kindness look like? 
• failure is not fatal. but GEEZ, sometimes it just feels so miserable!
• "ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line." brene brown
• "tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" mary oliver
• i am so grateful. so so grateful. 

happy friday!

(if you remember, tonight is the perseid meteor shower. get up high and stay up late. if you miss it, at least enjoy the almost full moon. (full moon is 8/13, fyi.))

friday morning thots | 7.15.11

what. a. week.

an emotional week, a swirly week full of doubts, assurance, emails with all sorts of striking content, saying goodbye to beloved montana, unexpected connections, snippets of dreams seeming closer to reality, hard workouts at crossfit, a 6 month commitment, two great 20+ mile bike rides, curbside conversation, dancing dancing dancing, mouthwatering dill sauerkraut, evocative quotes (see below), laughing juxtaposed with sadness, a cocktail of anger, phone chat with dad at the togo's parking lot, passion ignited, grace & kindness received, "understand my greatness," reading a bedtime story with a little one on my lap as we rocked, the full moon light, juicy plums...


here's what paying attention to the details of life gets me: seeing the bigger running themes, intentions manifesting, gratitude, slowing down, and presence. 


meaningful quotes from the week:

• Live with no regrets and love with no excuses -Paulo Coelho
• A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. -Mark Twain
• If you want to be strong, be yourself. The real strength you have is in the authentic person you are. -Ralph Marston
• Jesus was more interested in our hearts than our plans. Plans work out or don't; our hearts define our lives -Bob Goff
• If you search for the awakened heart, there is nothing but tenderness. -Jack Kornfield

this week, i have not been sure of many things. but i am absolutely positive of this: i want to live an honest life. 

friday morning thots | 6.24.11

a few themes i keep seeing:

• home
• owning 100%: no more, no less
• permission to ___?____

on a different note:

i'm off to squaw valley to volunteer at the mosquito ridge aid station (normally robinson flat, but there's too much snow this year to get in there) at the famous western states 100 mile endurance race. these people are running ONE HUNDRED miles through the wilderness. this is some serious inspiration from some seriously crazy people. i hope to be one of those folk before i turn forty.

friday morning thots | 6.10.11

• the outpour of love i've received this week is inspiring. (thank you dear friends for your support.)
• i took a stroll that was so damn slow, that i caused local neighborhood traffic. (thank you back injury)
• we all walk our own path. (thank you amy rainbow)
• amidst uncertainty, there is certainty. certainty that i'm loved and that i love.
• journey, values, process...not outcome. 
• letting go is like an onion. (it'll make you cry.) ;-P 
• trust intuition. trust instinct. trust yourself. 
• keep choosing vulnerability. (thank you brene brown)
• let my yes, be a YES YES YES! (thank you henri cartier-bresson)
• bike lanes (thank you josh)
• i saw an egg being laid yesterday!!!! wow-O (thank you pearl)
• are we ever really starting over? or are we just starting a new iteration? 
• lean into the steep climb, lean deeply in... (thank you windy hill osp)

and an excerpt by the beloved thomas merton, quoted in why not be a mystic by frank tuoti: 

Whether you understand or not, God loves you, is present to you, lives in you, calls you, saves you and offers you an understanding and light which are like nothing you ever found in books or sermons.... If you dare to penetrate your own silence...and risk the sharing of that silence with the lonely other who seeks God through and with you, then you will recover the light and the capacity to understand what is beyond words.... It is the intimate union...of God's spirit and your own inmost self, so that you and God are, in all truth, one.

friday morning thots 5.20.11

been noticing a few themes:

• don't take myself too seriously. let go of ego. 
• feelings are feelings; no justification needed.
• if this were my last day...
• challenge assumptions.
• have courage, dear friend.

friday morning thots 5.13.11

noticing...

friday morning thots 4.22.11

this week has been believably unbelievable. 
i am so full & grateful.


now i need some of this. 

friday morning thots 4.15.11

let yourself be seen. 


be ready to
share your dreams with people. 
this means you need to have dreams. 
and this might mean you need to take time to dream.
articulate it.
then...let it go. 
let the dream unfold the way it does as it intersects with reality. 


enjoy.
:-)

friday morning thots 4.8.11

could it be that my dreams have become reality?

sunrise at philly airport en route to san juan, puerto rico.

friday morning thots 3.25.11

something beautiful happened to me on wednesday night.

i was watching a live talk given by jesh de rox, who i had the extraordinary pleasure to meet back in september 2008 in arizona. he's a beautiful soul who poetically lives out what i think is an extraordinary life. and he's stirring up the inspiring beloved movement. one quote in particular that jesh shared moved me to my core. "most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." - h.thoreau

i want my song sung all the days of my life...

& then i watched lady gaga's recent interview at google. for someone i had no interest in, she completely captivated me - for all 1:11:33!! after observing her, i give gaga my respect for unashamedly living out exactly who she is. beneath those large shoulder pads and thick eye make-up is a delicate-strong soul who has gone into the darkness to emerge as a lover who loves extravagantly.

& then, i left to do my favorite wednesday night activity: lindy hop! i knew it would be a good night of dancing - i mean really good. the usual good connections were even more fine tuned and with the leads i'm so-so with...well, i just chose to get funky and have a blast anyway. what i realized is this: it doesn't matter who i'm with or what i'm doing; it's about how open and present i am in that particular moment that determines how much fun/joy/love/gratitude i can and will experience. i get to choose what this life's going to be about, at every moment.

& then...i stayed up until 3:30am.

just because.

friday morning thots 3.18.11

i want to collaborate on a creative project with unexpected, disparate, inspiring people.

get the people in a room...and see what emerges.

--

the past two days, everything seems exquisite.

--

the softness of hairless legs + my pajama bottoms.

you know it -- it's simply, exquisite.

--

our bodies know exactly what it needs. just listen.

this week, i needed lots of protein & iron.

kale, citrus, quinoa, spinach, lentils, eggs...

my body's grateful.

i know it because it told me so.

--

i'm such a procrastinator. i own it.

in fact, i'm procrastinating right now!

--

inspired by brene brown these days.

& reading her book, the gift of imperfection.

'until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart.'

-b.brown

--

joy really does exist hand-in-hand with gratitude.

--

been getting a lot of soul-ful, bear-like, monster hugs these days. i lovelovelove the heart-to-heart contact. mm...

friday morning thots. | shift.

there's no going back.

life will never be the same.

friday morning thots 2.25.11

"to show great love for God and our neighbor we need not do great things. it is how much love we put in the doing that makes our offering something beautiful for God." - mama t

friday morning thots. 12/24/10

hey, look. it's friday again!
fridays are my free day, so i can't help but wake up in good spirits. : )
(well, this friday is free day for everyone! even better!!)

fridays are both a symbolic and actionable day that helps move my life in a direction that gives me more balance, solitude, joy, peace, & creativity.

some of you know that i take fridays off from my work at hopelab. (yes, i have 3-day weekends every weekend!) & (no, i'm not "lucky." i call it grace.) it's a choice that helps me remember that my work is not my life and that i don't want to be dominated by the cultural pressure to make my career #1 - especially in the bay area. thankfully i'm part of an organization that encourages and supports having a work/life balance. they don't just talk the talk.

ok, i'm not just some carefree bird. (hehe) i too feel pressure to advance my career, go to grad school, change the world, start a movement, you know...those typical things (hahah)... and i know i have a tendency to become a workaholic. but with years of practice, consciousness, and grace, that harsh voice - that "natural" inclination - has become quieter. it doesn't feel so "natural" anymore. that voice doesn't dominate the way it used to; it doesn't yell at me as much. instead, the voice of gentleness & acceptance has a stronger presence at the table. it gets more air time then it used to. & i prefer the station tuned this way. : )

so fridays help me to remember that it's okay to just be.
that i don't have to do do do do do in order to find my worth and meaning.
that in fact, in being still that i can find a deeper sense of my identity as beloved. it is not based on anything that i do, my talents, skills, accomplishments, failures, distinctions...but merely by acknowledging where i come from....accepting my maker's love.

this friday, i'll wake up. eat breakfast. and hike underneath the beauty of the trees who know exactly who they are. i hope they speak a breath of fresh air & truth into me.

then eventually, i'll find myself at a 11pm candlelit service at my church, to celebrate the one who changed -and continues to change- everything for me.

merry christmas friends.
hope it's a beloved one.
xo

friday morning thots.

i woke up twice this morning.
once when my 7am alarm went off because i forgot to disable it.
and then again at 10:30.

i fell asleep the second time, in meditation on the opening of some liturgy:
o lord, let my soul rise up to meet you
as the day rises to meet the sun.

. .. ... ... . .. .. .... ...

i have this unfortunate habit of going straight to my computer to check my email right after i wake up. it's a really bad habit that i theoretically want to shake, but can't seem to in reality. most often, i open my inbox and don't find much of genuine interest -- you know, the stuff that's wrought with meaning (i.e. a big secret revealed by someone to just me!, inspirations of a fellow sojourner, reflections of a difficult journey with just the dash of hope that leaves me crying..... --is this an unrealistic expectation?! ;-) )

it's my usual ho-hum mailing list content - patagonia trying to sell me another bright blue down jacket, backpacker's best 25 secret winter trails revealed to all 20,000 people receiving the same list, chris guillebeau's usual thought provoking questions that makes me wonder if my life is alternative as it could be.....

today, i woke up to find three particularly meaningful emails that made my heart glad.
why? because they connect me to something bigger than me. it connects me to the "stuff of life" that make my heart beat a little faster and makes me -- well, happy. stuff like talking about passion, community, and this beauty. they are live conversations...continued into the virtual written space, that have the potential to ebb & flow between those two worlds.

it made me realize that these meaningful exchanges happen when there's investment made in relationships. it requires spending time together, being intentional, caring, asking questions, being willing to share ideas/beliefs/opinions with an openness to let my stakes go, acceptance, & of course...loving.

i want more of that in my life.

. .. ... ... . .. .. .... ...

the lasting things, are those that often take unnoticeably small steps towards a vision that supersedes this life, and can still be experienced richly here & now.

(hm.. not sure if this quite captures what i'm feeling. how would you change this? - feel free to chime in!)

. .. ... ... . .. .. .... ...

this week has been one of the most alive weeks i've had over the past couple months.

• heard amy's new album, and have found comfort in one particular song, 'hem me in.'
• was inspired by tim schraeder's life journey & monday mind dump. so i thought i'd try a "friday morning thots" section on my blog.
  
• rode around on my bike in search of small items for a big project. the cold air tickling my face along the way.
• remembered montana.
  
• several very late nights in a creative flow.
• making tiny steps towards accepting how confused i can be.
  

. .. ... ... . .. .. .... ...

noticing that i'm birthing the ugly in little splurts, and trying to be okay with it.

.. . .
happy friday all.