friday morning thots.

i woke up twice this morning.
once when my 7am alarm went off because i forgot to disable it.
and then again at 10:30.

i fell asleep the second time, in meditation on the opening of some liturgy:
o lord, let my soul rise up to meet you
as the day rises to meet the sun.

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i have this unfortunate habit of going straight to my computer to check my email right after i wake up. it's a really bad habit that i theoretically want to shake, but can't seem to in reality. most often, i open my inbox and don't find much of genuine interest -- you know, the stuff that's wrought with meaning (i.e. a big secret revealed by someone to just me!, inspirations of a fellow sojourner, reflections of a difficult journey with just the dash of hope that leaves me crying..... --is this an unrealistic expectation?! ;-) )

it's my usual ho-hum mailing list content - patagonia trying to sell me another bright blue down jacket, backpacker's best 25 secret winter trails revealed to all 20,000 people receiving the same list, chris guillebeau's usual thought provoking questions that makes me wonder if my life is alternative as it could be.....

today, i woke up to find three particularly meaningful emails that made my heart glad.
why? because they connect me to something bigger than me. it connects me to the "stuff of life" that make my heart beat a little faster and makes me -- well, happy. stuff like talking about passion, community, and this beauty. they are live conversations...continued into the virtual written space, that have the potential to ebb & flow between those two worlds.

it made me realize that these meaningful exchanges happen when there's investment made in relationships. it requires spending time together, being intentional, caring, asking questions, being willing to share ideas/beliefs/opinions with an openness to let my stakes go, acceptance, & of course...loving.

i want more of that in my life.

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the lasting things, are those that often take unnoticeably small steps towards a vision that supersedes this life, and can still be experienced richly here & now.

(hm.. not sure if this quite captures what i'm feeling. how would you change this? - feel free to chime in!)

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this week has been one of the most alive weeks i've had over the past couple months.

• heard amy's new album, and have found comfort in one particular song, 'hem me in.'
• was inspired by tim schraeder's life journey & monday mind dump. so i thought i'd try a "friday morning thots" section on my blog.
  
• rode around on my bike in search of small items for a big project. the cold air tickling my face along the way.
• remembered montana.
  
• several very late nights in a creative flow.
• making tiny steps towards accepting how confused i can be.
  

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noticing that i'm birthing the ugly in little splurts, and trying to be okay with it.

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happy friday all.