month 11.5: the sweetest thing

god i love you. 
my affections run deep and the laughter, even deeper. 

it's been a pretty busy month (and a half), and i'm finally taking a deep breath to soak you in. 

we jumped from missoula, to france, to ennis, to the tetons, back to missoula, and then a week of hosting my sister, two girls, and momma. PHEW! 

we went to jb & nino's wedding (OMG, THE BEST FRENCH WEDDING EVER); we spent time with paula and i got to meet your entire french family; we roamed around paris and ate our hearts out; came back to ennis and prepared for our teton crest backpacking trip with mary, then backpacked for five days in an icy-cold paradise that ended in a true white sandy beach paradise; popped back to missoula to do three days of intense apartment hunting and secure a beautiful new abode; you turned 30!!!; then immediately afterward, hosted my sister, mom, and two nieces for a week.

i witnessed your incredible patience, your deep affections for a little someone (ly-di-a!!!), your love for all things jane austen, your physical abilities to (rather easily) climb passes and jump into glacial lakes, your insightful reflections on our experiences and interactions between us and with others, and your ability to keep in touch with people (i didn't realize you were so good at that), and oooooh yeah....your love of the radish kimchi my mom made (it was absolutely delightful to see you eat your heart out with spicy fermented kimchi love). 

and at the end of all of this activity, i felt joyful and fulfilled to be simply right next to you, watching mansfield park (which was far worse than the uk version mini-series of pride & prejudice). haha.

you are my happy place. you are my safe space. you are my deep sigh of relief. 

you are the sweetest thing.
happy 11.5 months of marriage my love.

i'm going to get my arm bit off!

this wednesday, i'm taking off for a 10 day visit to beloved montana. it's a two part journey:
part 1 includes a 5-day solo backpacking trip in "the bob" (aka: the bob marshall wilderness). 
part 2 will be spent with a beautiful artist (sheri jarvis) and then some roaming around here and there on my own.

i love montana. like, truly truly love it with all my heart. 
this connection to a place can't be explained, it can only be explored over and over again.

the first visit was to helena with new friends, as they recorded an album. (feb 2010)
the second visit was spent with beloved friend, susan. thinking back on that time, it was sooo peaceful and fun! i remember experiencing a heightened sense of beauty and calm. it was overwhelming, in the best way. this was when i also met sheri for the first time. we road horses in the hills, and i borrowed her cowboy boots for the occasion. ;) (july 2011)
the third visit was a road trip from california to montana, so my friends and i could backpack at glacier national park. (it's hard to believe this trip was already almost a year ago! and, i still haven't blogged about it! eep.) (aug 2012)

for this fourth visit, i knew that it would be a solo backpacking trip in the bob, when i talked to sheri last winter. she mentioned it to me, and i instantly had a feeling i should go, and go solo. (july 2013)

i've only gone on overnight solo backpacking trips, never a 5-day trek. i'm scared. and excited. and scared. and scared. and excited. last night, i was having some really intense fears about getting my arm eaten off or having a bear get to my food while i was asleep, or getting lost for days or. . . my mind likes to take me on some wild what if rides. do you know what i mean??

but what i realized about the intensity of fears, was that deep inside, i know i'm supposed to do this. i know it's an important journey that i need to take - alone. it's the space i'm creating to say farewell to a really significant chapter, in order to create space for what's to come. it makes sense that my mind is trying to trick me into thinking i should back out, that i'm "crazy," that perhaps i don't really need to do this. (i mean, i do want to come back with all my appendages after all!)

this intensity of fear is a flag that i need to move forward, lean in, and embrace the challenge ahead. it's not a flag to back off or shy away from the unknown. so...i'm going.

arrival time in bozeman, montana: 11:21am, july 24, 2013.
and the adventure begins.

to be continued upon return...

tips on lightening the load | from phil

i might keep mentioning this "phil" character because he's been superbly helpful to me in my process of reducing my pack weight.  we met on the trail in the summer of 2011 in the high sierras, right before a "jaunt" up to the hot springs in between maurine lake and junction meadow. it was day 4 on the trail and i had become intimately aware of the weight and size of my pack.

a few hours before meeting phil, we passed a couple with smaller-ish packs, who were just devouring the trail. they were fast, and the woman hadn't even broken a sweat. (mind you, we met them while we were going downhill, at which point they had climbed quite a bit.) 

then came phil, his bro and friend. their packs were even smaller, and they were happily making their way to go fishing! (yum, fresh fish for dinner sounded amazing after days of rehydrated meals.) we were all sweaty and wiped (okay, i was), and they looked so fresh and energized.

it was the first time i saw people with such small packs and i was wide-eyed and curious. how could they possibly do that? after learning about their homemade filtration system and their shared meals, i was convinced i wanted to change my backpacking ways. but when he said i could be "skipping up that mountain," i was sold.

thankfully, phil and i were able to get in touch after our hikes so he and i have been emailing about going ultralight. he has lots of great tips and i've appreciated his thoughtfulness in sharing what he's learned. 

this is what he last shared with me about how to think about weight distribution:

Pack 3lbs, tent 2lbs, sleeping bag 3lbs, air mattress 1lb, clothes 5lbs, toiletries and pills 1lb, rain gear 3lbs = 18lbs

Bear canister 2lbs, food 7lbs, small knife, stove, pot and utensils 3lbs, = 12 pounds (way lighter shared)

water isn't represented on this list, so i'd add 4lbs (2lbs/liter). on one of my last trips, i stopped carrying all 3L of water because i can't stand bearing that weight anymore and water has been abundant wherever i've gone thus far. the other thing that isn't represented is my camera, which adds another 5lbs.

grand total: 39lbs or less (if shared)

i still need to shed quite a bit more weight, but this is certainly a start. i'll post my current (heavy) packing list next because some of my equipment reflects a slightly different breakdown. 

tips on lightening the load | the problem

for me, i think there are four major factors that might explain why my pack is so heavy: 
1) who i'm backpacking with
2) my camera
3) extraneous stuff
4) i'm not willing to fork over $$$ to buy the most ultralight gear (well, not yet)

who i backpack with
the group i've gone on my two longest trips (7-days, 5-days) with have been supportive and entertaining, but the one qualm i have is that everyone's pretty much doing their own thing. i.e. there's a couple that have their own food system, and then a couple guys who are basically doing their own thing. there isn't a communal mentality for how we backpack together. that is, we cook our own meals, bring our own supplies (even when we could be sharing), split up on the trail, etc. it's very individualistic.

for consideration: are your adventure-mates on the same page with you? is there a value for communal backpacking/shared goods? if not, would you be open to finding a different group of people to backpack with? or are there incremental steps the group can take to move towards a more communal experience? 

if so, i believe it requires a lot more planning ahead of time to be clear on who's bringing what and how all of it gets divvied up. i imagine this prep time will decrease as you get more practice and you and your backpacking crew learn a groove.

my camera
i shoot with a canon 5d and switch between taking a 24mm 1.4 or 35mm 1.4 lens. (i also only take one lens because of weight.) the body+lens+accessories (batteries, cleaning cloth, etc) easily adds about 5lbs & plenty of bulk to my overall base weight. my camera's not something i'm ready to give up since part of what i enjoy is attempting to capture the exquisite detail and expansiveness of the backcountry. 

but, i read an article recently about seeing more by packing less, in direct reference to leaving your camera at home. (gasp!) the article, however, has me wondering about why it's important for me to take my dslr backpacking. is it to project to the world that i'm an adventurer? 

for consideration: does having a camera add to your experience in the backcountry? does it enable being present to all of your surroundings or take from it?

extraneous stuff
ok, there was a time when i took arm warmers on a 7-day trip to the sierras. "it weighs nothing!" i told myself. uh, yeah...all those "nothings" ended up weighing 50lbs. when packing, pick up every single item and ask yourself if it's absolutely necessary. if you have to even think twice, leave it behind. this is also where the communal experience helps tremendously. shared weight. enough said. 

i once took a book (a rather large hardcover book) on a 28-hr solo trip in the ventana wilderness. i had several moments when i wanted to burn it and i kept asking myself, "why did you think you'd actually read this book?!" thankfully i didn't have to carry much food on that trip since it was only an overnighter. it was one of my earlier experiences, however, which made even a 30lb pack to be quite heavy.

a pattern i've noticed is that i'll convince myself to take a book because "i'm sure i'll want to read. how romantic! who wouldn't want to dive into the adventures of narnia out in the wilderness?" (this is the story i tell myself when i'm packing.) the more accurate story i need to remind myself of is, "you'll be too tired to read and by the time you're cozy in your tent, all you'll want to do is sleep. don't trick yourself into carrying the damn thing again." 

oh yeah, and there was that time i took 1lb of beef jerky and 1lb of dried mango. i went overboard. no one needs to eat that much of anything. 

for consideration: why do you feel compelled to take ___fill in the blank__? what purpose(s) does it serve? is it absolutely essential? does this additional weight contribute to your comfort or misery? 

i'm not willing to fork over $$$ (yet)
i bought a bunch of gear when i started getting into backpacking in 2010. at the time, everything seemed "light." i later realized that "light" was a relative term. now, i'm trying to figure out how to sell some of my current camping gear to get ultralight stuff. (i'm referring to tents that can hold 2-3 people that weigh just over 1lb (versus my current 2-person tent weighing in at 4.5lbs). 

it's easy to spend an obscene amount of money on super lightweight gear. take for example, my $50 cookset. essentially, i paid $50 for a cup. that's insane!!!!! but do i regret it? no. my entire cooking system fits inside. it's compact, versatile (pot, cup, & bowl), and cute!  ;) 

for consideration: if you're a woman (or man) looking into getting backpacking gear and want to be conscious about getting the "right" gear, i would suggest going for lighter (and probably more expensive) gear. don't just get everything that's more expensive. do your research. it'll make your whole backpacking experience "easier" and less uncomfortable. plus, i think it's better to pay more upfront for higher quality goods than going for the cheap stuff just because it's cheaper. i'm not sure how much it'll save you in the end.

glacier national park | preview

last august, i went backpacking in glacier national park with four friends. it's been more than six months since that trip, but i'm finally ready to share some photos. here's a preview of what's to come.

this photo was taken after a grueling climb up the peak i'm standing on in this photo. i was not myself during that climb and my friends were worried because i had such low energy. it wasn't until later that i realized it was a calorie issue and my blood sugar was far too low. but regardless, we made it to the peak, went through the tunnel and came out to this view. 

it took my breath away and birth new energy in me. nature has a way of affecting me in that way. after our lunch break, we trekked down to elizabeth lake (the one in the photo), where we camped at the foot of the lake. this is where i met two very interesting groups camping at the same site, saw a moose, and possibly contracted giardia.

stay tuned.

tips on lightening the load | intro

i have to confess something: i'm often miserable while backpacking in the glorious backcountry. seriously. miserable.

i don't think i've ever gone backpacking without asking myself, "why the hell are you doing this liz!?" why would i want to carry between 40-50lbs on my back, hike up and down mountains, and dig my own poop holes? don't get me wrong, the views are epic and i never regret having spent time in the wilderness. i'd just rather do it "skipping up those mountains," - as fellow hiker, phil said to me once - not sluggishly dragging my feet. 

my experience thus far tells me i self-impose unnecessary suffering, caused primarily by two things: the weight of my pack and the expectation for a certain kind of unobtainable comfort while on the Trail.

the former is something i'm working on (which i'll get to in the next post), the latter is more of a mental/heart practice that only wise people can obtain with a lot of practice. ;)  i'm not there yet, so i'm reading a book to help me learn how to re-orient my heart posture by reading jennifer pharr davis' "becoming odyssa."  (it's such an interesting read, btw.)

back to the weight of my pack. this year, i've made a goal to actively pursue getting my base pack weight down as low as possible without breaking the (piggy) bank. ideally, i'd like for my base weight to be at 17lbs or less, then add consumables and my camera and it should be at about 30lbs (which still feels a bit high). the typical "rule of thumb" is to carry about 25% of your body weight. i vacillate between 125-130lbs, so this means i should be carrying about 31lbs. to give you a bit of context, i have been typically carrying around 40% of my body weight = 50lbs. (it's painful just spelling that out.) 

so i'm going to start a series on tips i learned on how i'm reducing my pack weight (and other little things i learn along the way). hope it's helpful to you!

glacier national park | prep + packing

the stats:
aug 17-aug 26, 2012
5 friends. 
5 days. 4 nights. (original plan was 6 days, 5 night, but we hiked out 19.5m the final day)
backpacking at glacier national park. 55.5 mile, many glacier loop.
oh, and 22+ hours (of drive time, not including rest) and 1,298 miles in a "trusty" vw pop top van as bookends of the trip.

the results:
5 earthy-smelling friends with a whole lot more stories, connections to random strangers on the trail, a few significant lessons learned, experiences we just can't make up, and sights you can only experience in the backcountry.

i love montana, and this year i got to experience my beloved state at glacier, hiking through it's glorious peaks and lakes. it was perfect in so many ways. except, well...i took way too much food and managed to have to lug a heavy pack (again). mr. ultralight-backpacker phil brown (who i met last year on the trail) would be disappointed.

anyway, this is most of what i packed for the trip. not including things like my actual pack, trekking poles, camelbak, the food, hiking shoes + crocs, and two unnecessary stuff sacks i took to keep my stuff organized.

addt'l notes: i took 100% deet but didn't use it once. the mosquitos were almost non-existent due to such a dry year. didn't feel like flossing this year b/c i took a normal sized toothbrush head. interesting.

addt'l notes: i ended up only using one sports bra. fine idea, but the sports bra i decided on was no bueno! it did not dry fast enough, which lead to wearing it slightly damp every day (b/c i washed it every night). this eventually lead to it smelling bad because of some mildew. (i know, gross!) i'm looking into sports bras that wick sweat and dry fast. also, i loved my night time change of clothes. black tights + cotton tank + med thickness wool socks, puffy + hat. i felt so cozy and (not so) sexy and i found it to be very easy way to feel clean and warm each night.

addt'l notes: all my clothes fit into the yellow stuff sack above, including what i'd be wearing every day (pants, t-shirt, socks, underwear, sports bra). this year, i tried to take a very minimalist approach to clothes, taking only what was essential.

addt'l notes: i went generous with the toilet paper. what?

addt'l notes: shared the tent with robel (aka roBEAR), so we shared the 4lb 9oz between the two of us. 

addt'l notes: i took a 4oz fuel canister (instead of the 8oz pictured here) just in case we (b&d+me) used the entire 8oz can (which by the way, they carried). we had plenty of fuel left. good to know for next time that an 8oz fuel can last 3 people at 2 hot meals/day (water boiling only) for 5 days! 

also, i met ryan on the trail and he had this fantastic cook system that i couldn't help but admire. so i bought one immediately when i got home. after i clicked purchase, i realized i had just spent $35 on a cup. eep.

the eve of our road trip, we weighed our packs and mine came out to a whopping ~48lbs. this also includes my camera and a few camera accessories that added at least 5lbs to my total pack weight. i was easily carrying more than 35% of my body weight, which is a hell of a lot to carry. later, i found out it was all of my food. um...  :\

update: i got my chops busted...again. received a long email detailing where i went wrong and where i can go right by the trusty mr. phil. yikes. 

what do you think of my system? how would you make it more efficient and cut weight?