i'm going to get my arm bit off!

this wednesday, i'm taking off for a 10 day visit to beloved montana. it's a two part journey:
part 1 includes a 5-day solo backpacking trip in "the bob" (aka: the bob marshall wilderness). 
part 2 will be spent with a beautiful artist (sheri jarvis) and then some roaming around here and there on my own.

i love montana. like, truly truly love it with all my heart. 
this connection to a place can't be explained, it can only be explored over and over again.

the first visit was to helena with new friends, as they recorded an album. (feb 2010)
the second visit was spent with beloved friend, susan. thinking back on that time, it was sooo peaceful and fun! i remember experiencing a heightened sense of beauty and calm. it was overwhelming, in the best way. this was when i also met sheri for the first time. we road horses in the hills, and i borrowed her cowboy boots for the occasion. ;) (july 2011)
the third visit was a road trip from california to montana, so my friends and i could backpack at glacier national park. (it's hard to believe this trip was already almost a year ago! and, i still haven't blogged about it! eep.) (aug 2012)

for this fourth visit, i knew that it would be a solo backpacking trip in the bob, when i talked to sheri last winter. she mentioned it to me, and i instantly had a feeling i should go, and go solo. (july 2013)

i've only gone on overnight solo backpacking trips, never a 5-day trek. i'm scared. and excited. and scared. and scared. and excited. last night, i was having some really intense fears about getting my arm eaten off or having a bear get to my food while i was asleep, or getting lost for days or. . . my mind likes to take me on some wild what if rides. do you know what i mean??

but what i realized about the intensity of fears, was that deep inside, i know i'm supposed to do this. i know it's an important journey that i need to take - alone. it's the space i'm creating to say farewell to a really significant chapter, in order to create space for what's to come. it makes sense that my mind is trying to trick me into thinking i should back out, that i'm "crazy," that perhaps i don't really need to do this. (i mean, i do want to come back with all my appendages after all!)

this intensity of fear is a flag that i need to move forward, lean in, and embrace the challenge ahead. it's not a flag to back off or shy away from the unknown. so...i'm going.

arrival time in bozeman, montana: 11:21am, july 24, 2013.
and the adventure begins.

to be continued upon return...

the wilderness. part i.

solo backpacking trip into the ventana wilderness.
28 hours, ~22 miles, ~4000' elevation gain, ~30lb pack
bookended by a 125 mile drive to/from arroyo seco.

i'm glad i went on this trip, even though i was riddled in fear many times. in fact, i feel like i'm still shaken up by how much fear i experienced, mostly all thoughts of "what if's" and crazy scenarios that i played out in my head while being alone in the back country. (thinking about 127 hours was not helpful.)

with that said, i made a list of things i would do differently next time:
1. bring a friend. (defeats the "solo" aspect of the trip...but i think it'd be worth it any day!)
2. carry a compass
3. don't bring a 1.5lb book! you'll ultimately want to burn the pages to make the load lighter.
4. figure out how to gauge mileage accurately.
5. refill on water sooner.
6. i don't like the hassle of eating/i don't like eating when i'm super tired. figure out yummier
& easier eats to pack in the calories that doesn't require much work.
7. when they say it's "less traveled" they mean it; don't expect or hope to see anyone.
8. get some trekking poles & sunglasses
9. should've brought my chacos. should've learned that there would be over a dozen river crossings!
10. 50mm is just okay; next time, bring a wide angle even if it's heavier. it'll be worth it.
11. learn what to do when you approach a snake.
12. don't forget the dorky ankle brace.
13. stay open to the journey, not just at arriving at the destination. (but if focusing on the destination helps get you through, freakin do what it takes!)

a few more:
14. figure out a tasty & easy protein source. (realized i relied almost solely on carbs. oops)
15. knowing the gist of the trip was okay, but i think it would've made for a better experience if i did more research ahead of time.

i think the only thing that would've dramatically changed the trip for me would've been #1, having a friend on the journey.