to arcata & back.

i couldn't stop.

i just couldn't.

at 5:15am on friday morning, my alarm clock notified me that it was time to get up. i needed to pack a couple pb&j's, get my camelback ready, and take my friend to the airport. since i was heading north, i had planned on spending the day on mt. tam roaming the trails and giving myself plenty of space to be. i've been needing a lot of blank space these days, as my heart's been feeling heavy.

but, a weird thing happened. mt. tam came and went and i had no inclination to stop. so i drove north through sebastopol, headed east through grueneville, hit the coast and took the windy hwy 1 up to arcata. 

i couldn't stop. 

i just couldn't.

once i got up there, i found a friendly co-op where i asked for directions & purchased some figs and a large quantity of my new favorite grain, farro. after this pit stop, i knew it was time to turn back south. so i drove until my body hit its sleepy wall. at 10pm, i rolled onto a random street in cloverdale, and slept until my trusty 5:15am alarm awoke me again. it was still dark, which gave me enough time to make it back to sf in time for an incredible sunrise at hendrik point, which sits just before the golden gate bridge, heading southbound. the hill felt still and the air had just the right amount of morning chilliness without it being distractingly cold. 

i felt a deep soul serenity while standing there, and i felt a clarity in my kardia. i'm not describing the kind of clarity that comes with being able to articulate something well. instead, it was the kind of clarity that brings with it a sense of mysterious inexplicable peace. i just knew in my heart that something had passed. i knew in my heart that the months of process and struggle and staying present to discomfort had finally come to its end (at least for this iteration).

i drove away from home, wanting to get away from everything...but found that peace came to me on my journey back home.  it only took 661 miles. :) 

wdydwyd? | bike camping to sam p taylor (again)

you know how time spent browsing the internet can go: click click click click click, pause, click click (sometimes leading to an exorbitant length of time wasted). well on one of those clicks, i stumbled onto this photo through a twitter connection. you'll notice on the bottom of the picture an opaque "wydydwyd?". when i saw it, i wondered what the heck that crazy long acronym was about, so after a .013 second search, The Google told me what i needed to know. except, the answer unexpectedly invited me into a much larger question: why do you do what you do? 

(thanks a lot google.) anyway, the question was haunting because it was impossible to get out of my head! fast forward a few days from the initial click and i get presented with a bit of a dare to post my own wdydwyd self-portrait from isaac (the guy in the photo) and he would in turn share his most impactful excerpt on joy + how that joy's manifested in his own life. (the topic of joy is in response to the work i'm doing for hopelab's joy campaign.) it seemed like an intriguing trade!! 

so this weekend while bike camping up to samuel p taylor, i thought it'd be fun to invite my biking buddy kristen to participate (...as well as whoever else we'd meet along the way)! here are the folks who we asked to play, including kristen:

(from left to right)
bc / 24 / farmers market stall employee
jim / 37 / marin community farm stands organizer
paul / 33 / artist, illustrator, cyclist
scott / 58 / sand sculptor, artist
kristen / 26 / flight attendent, climber, up-for-adventure gal pal

you know what surprised me? 
bc, jim, and scott had immediate responses when presented with the question! they didn't hesitate at all. i was inspired by their clarity and confidence in the moment. 


and then there's my response to wdydwyd. i had a few statements that resonate true for me right now, but the one below is most befitting since one of my intentions this year is to live in the reality that i am beloved. in this particular journey, i've noticed that the gift is two-fold: i've been able to believe not just in my own belovedness, but also enter into others' belovedness (both of which which can be challenging at times).


i'm finding that to see oneself and to see another as beloved might be one of the most motivating reasons to be kind, tender and vulnerable, to show grace and to practice integrity, to commit and pursue, to speak truth, to be open to changing, to delight and to choose to love...


so why do i do what i do? because i love being changed by:


(ps. this photo was taken on a tree stump with a timer. apparently, i missed my head and stood about 12" from being in focus - a lovely recipe for an interesting photo!)


thank you isaac for challenging me to act on my curiosity & to reflect on this simple, yet profound question.

winter [this space between] spring

what seemed like torrents of rain, cloudy days, cold winds, & feeling kinda trapped...to what is now more soft blue skies, precise outlines of white fluffy clouds, radiant sunrises and sunsets, and a crisp moistness in the air ... it's clear that spring is near, not just b/c the calendar tells us so.

i feel like i'm in that [in between] state.
that space where the harsh winter storm is finally settling down and where we get glimpses of sunshine between the now sporadic sprinkles of rainfall. i believe this final flow of rain marks the cleansing of one thing and the nourishing of another.

these are all markings that a new season is making its way.

i see hope written all over the the tiny blossoms forming on apricot trees.
i take a deep breath in, and the concoction of the winter chill dancing with the warmth of life-giving sun rays intoxicates me.
the asparagus that laid dormant over the last several months, are breaking through the manure and springing forth. they cheerfully arise and most humbly say, "we are here! glorious & delightfully edible!"

dear spring, i didn't realize how much i awaited your arrival.
thank you for making your way for a visit.
you are so very welcome here.
i think i love you.
in fact, i do.
:*) [that's me blushing]

away.

it's vital to spend time away. far away from the dailys of everyday life.
to wake up to something new.
to smell fragrances foreign to your nose.
to create time & space to just be.

point reyes is a magical place to experience such a thing.

27.

so, i guess it's official: i'm in my late 20s.
i wish i had some profound insight to share about turning 27. but, i don't.

all i have to say is that i finally feel like i'm getting older. three more years until i turn 30. i have a feeling it'll whizz by and before i know it....i'll be married with child. ha! uhhh... :\

i've been a little afraid to dream...BIG....but i get excited thinking about the unimaginables of what the next few years could hold.

anyway, just wanted to share some pictures from a little get together tonight. cake. fruit. beer. ice cream. & good company. (we ate a communal cake tonight :: forks straight in and straight back out into our mouths. then repeat. i liked it & you should try it.)

thank you friends.


ps. i'm back from kauai and have much to share as it unfolds.