post 50k race observations.

noticing...

• hungry all day! every hour, my body craved fruit, protein, and/or water
• i was more tired than i thought i would be
• going up and down stairs is surprisingly painful
• calves & quads are super tight
• both index toenails are tender, the left one is discoloring more rapidly
• i thought i was going to lose my pinky toenails, but they seem to be doing better today
• this sounds a little odd, but my quads and calves feel massive. not sure if they look that way too.
• later in the day, my abs feel spent
• still have a pretty picky palette; wanting mostly fruit and fresh vegetables
• felt thirsty all day and therefore had to take many bio breaks
• hips are particularly tight; stretches that help open my hips & hamstrings/glutes feel amazing
• very tempted to work out on day two of recovery, but i think i should sleep instead of waking up at 5:30am to crossfit. hmm.

the 2nd epic race of hopefully many.

the first epic race was my first marathon, and that was special in oh so many ways! but, this race was particularly meaningful because it had been a somewhat disappointing 1.5 years after when i said i would run my first 50k. i had to recover from several injuries, including a fractured foot, to finally get to this point. and even with my half-assed training, i felt the race went pretty well for it being my very first 50k! 

basic specs:

skyline to the sea 50k trail race, hosted by coastal trail runs

elevation map

um, so i had a really delicious egg sandwich for breakfast. two pieces of toast with butter and strawberry jam + 2 farm fresh eggs i fried up with a dash of sea salt. (oh, i also had a mini blueberry muffin, some blueberries, melon, strawberries, and a small cup of coffee.) it seemed like it was maybe a bit too much food, but it turned out fine and my body seemed to absorb it well. i.e. no stomach issues and a lot of energy. 

i wore one of my favorite temporary tattoos created by miss amykr, to remind me that whatever happens, i want to make the most of my time out there. and of course, i wore my zamzee to track the minutes and intensity of all the running. 

we started at saratoga gap (at the castle rock trailhead) and took the skyline to sea trail all the way to, you guessed it, the sea. in the picture below, it's zach, me, and austin.

i was feeling crazy strong for the first 4.5 miles and flew through the first aid station with two peanut m&m's in tow. popped those babies in my mouth and wished i had two more. my friend zach caught up to me and we ran for a short while together before he flew ahead. (that would be the last time i'd see him.)

during 4.5-9m, austin caught up to me with his friendly, "hi liz song!" (he fell behind me and zach because he had to take a potty break. haha, did i just tell the interweb that you had to poo? i guess so.) anyway, we ran together for a while, mostly without the company of other racers. it felt just like one of our fun runs in the wilderness and i felt grateful to be with my dear friend. we hit china grade aid station (9m), i stuffed my face with potatoes+salt, orange slices, pb&j and was off again.

by the time i hit the gazos creek aid station (15.8m), i was getting pretty tired. at this point, i saw austin and zach's girlfriends working the aid station, said a quick hello, and went straight to shove food in my face. i was hungry and needing to replenish my electrolyte intake. after getting refueled and vaselined up (my inner thighs and inner upper arms were chaffing like a mofo), austin and i took off for the loop off the main skyline to sea trail. this is where the marathoners keep proceeding down the trail and the 50k folk run an additional 4.5 miles. the uphill in this section was brutal. it was also pretty exposed and hot. austin took off, while i walked, completely winded. it was kinda neat because on the climb, i looked out and saw the ocean and thought, "that's where i'm heading! what the hell, am i crazy?!" then i hit a crazy-ass hill that was so steep, i accepted that "yes, i am crazy." in the picture below, you can see the ocean just beyond the furthest tree line. 

 

this was immediately taken after seeing the scene pictured above. although i was amazed that i'd be at the ocean in a few hours, i was feeling the pain of going up up up up.

during that loop, two things happened: 1) i caught up to austin during the downhill and he was walking! this is a guy who flies on the downhills. his legs were not being very responsive, and i had a feeling he was going to stop at mile 20. and 2) i noticed a lady running ahead of me. i picked her out as my next target to catch up to and pass. but DAMN, she just kept prancing off in front of me, taunting me with her effortless movement! i finally caught up to her at the aid station where we picked up our orange rubber band for finishing the loop. i went up to her and said, "you're a strong runner! i've been trying to catch up to you!" she remarked with the same response about me (since we did yo-yo a few times), and we decided to continue running together. at this point, we had about 11 more miles to go. 

it was beautiful to run with emily. we were in sync with each other's running pace and had a really nice human connection, talking about everything from her 3.5 year old son scottie, church, charlie engle, and saying "fuck!" when we'd hit hills. (i get pretty crude on long runs when i'm wicked tired.) we were very present to each other during the next 11 miles. emily was a gift to me in this race. we pushed each other hard, helped out when either of us needed, we listened to each other share stories and thoughts, and it was so sweet... every time i almost ate it, but would catch myself, she'd say, "nice save!" "nice catch!" it made me smile each time (and it happened a lot). she would even say it to herself when she'd catch herself from falling or rolling her ankle. 

anyway, the last 4 miles were brutal, mostly because my feet and legs were yelling at me, i was starving, and the trail wasn't very interesting and to add, it was mostly flat. but i was afraid to walk because i didn't think i'd be able to start running again. but around 3 miles out, we decided to walk for a bit, and i pulled out my gu chomps (strawberry) and literally inhaled all of them. they have never tasted so good. we painfully rolled into one last aid station before the finish and i filled up on soda and pb&j's and then took off for the final 1.6 miles. 

the last 1.6 miles was when i probably felt most emotional. i felt like i could start sobbing at any moment, but had no energy to spend on tears. a couple times, i said to myself, "dig deep lizzy, dig deep," especially when there would be a slight uphill. then suddenly, everything changed. 

i heard people cheering and got a tiny glimpse of a blue tent from where my vantage point. i knew i was close and my juices immediately fired up. i started sprinting towards the finish.

6 hours and 12 minutes later, i finished my first 50k.

after inhaling some watermelon and orange slices, i walked around to look for my friends who were supposed to meet me at the finish line. about 25 minutes later, i finally saw them roll into the area. i was so excited to see them that i ran over and cheered! :-) funny how things work out. anyway, they were delightful and we managed to stage a second faux-finish line crossing. they listened to me as i enthusiastically told them stories about the race and i simply loved seeing familiar faces of people who i love. 

oh yeah, i also found out i placed. 2nd woman in my age group, 5th woman overall, and 30th place overall. i feel really proud of this accomplishment and can('t) wait for my next 50k, 50m, 100k, 100m.

i have to mention that afterward, we went to go eat korean bbq at a buffet. holy smokes. lots of meat, fruit, and a dash of beer. and when i got home, i found a sign on my door made by my lovely friend heather. after gasping with delight, i went straight to icing my feet.

 

 

 

 

this has been one of the hardest feats to date, but one of the most rewarding. as my new friend emily put it, to accomplish something like this is both empowering and humbling.  thank you to everyone for your love & support!

friday morning thots | 10.28.11

it's been over a year since i noted that i've been feeling a draw towards ashland, oregon. and the time has finally come. 


i'm spending the weekend in a place i know i will call home, without ever having been there. my heart feels open and willing to explore, not just the land, but my internal mountain tops and deep ravines. i call it a visioning trip, where i hope to encounter God in the silence of the mountains and in relationship with my friends. it's time and space to dreamdreamdream, slow down and experience the clarity that comes when i am running with all of my heart and body in the wilderness.


& camping. o, camping. 
enough said. 

race report | born to run ultramarathon 10-miler

it was the first ever born to run ultramarathon. i signed up because i inhaled the book last year, and because it was the inaugural race. plus, i didn't want to miss out on running alongside caballo blanco (even though i felt a bit too shy to say hello. i did manage to squeeze out a smile). 


we camped at the east creek ranch in los olivos on friday, and woke up at 4:45am to some borderline obnoxious/delightful hill billy music. we got ready in the darkness, was greeted by a human chicken, took a ridiculously funny oath (to the effect of, "...if i die, it's my fucking fault"), and took off.


it was a surprisingly easy 10 miles. 
stunning. 
quiet. 
peaceful. 
my heart was really really happy.


b/c of my current injury, my approach was to: stop when i need to (in case my plantar fasciitis flared up), take it easy, and simply enjoy running through this new space. no pressure. no care about time or pace. just space to be.


turns out, i finished the route and came in 1st female in my age range!


& for fun, here are my stats:
7th female
20/40 overall
1st female in 20-29 age group
total time of 1:41

*psst, there were only two of us in my category.


and of course, we camped and played along the way back home.

11:57am

taken.

the hills held me captive
by will, i chose it.

empty of people
full of life
effortless effort

suspended mid air
a smirk
happiness trickled into the crevices
that drip into an eternal well

running,
i am home again.

i miss...

running.

i've been off running for a while now because i have this incredibly stubborn case of plantar fasciitis in my right foot. it flared before i fractured my foot last september, and the condition fluctuates daily. sometimes, with just normal use i'll feel pain at the end of the day.

during a staff meeting today, we talked about what brings us joy. the first thing that came to mind was how i feel immediately after a long trail run (the ones that last between 2-4 hours). the culmination of being fully engaged in mind, body, heart, engulfed in nature, staying utterly present, challenging myself, exhausting everything i have, and "finishing," results in this electrifying experience of joy. it doesn't have to be running, but do you know what i mean??

last week, i even dreamt that i was given this task to run. i had to run laps around the tiniest loop like a mad lady running around in circles in someone's house (that's actually what i did in the dream.) it was mindless, easy, and boring, but i was so freaking happy because i got to run. in my dream, my body was without injury. i hope that one day soon i can run like i ran in my dream, in the presence of exquisite mountain landscapes.

i miss running.

panama :: boquete-the hills

it was epic.

the 4+ hour run in the hills of boquete.
daypack stuffed with bars, water, rain jacket and first aid.
dressed in my favorite running outfit (comfortable and cute).

...i had felt in my body that i desperately needed to run.
i had come to this new country to run. run run hike run...and run.

so i awoke with a ready heart that morning. ate some breakfast at shalom bakery cafe down the street from the hostel we stayed at and was ready to go.

up & up & up
i pointed to the top and said to nat, "i want to be there."
we went on this 2-lane road that wrapped the hips of the most succulent hills.

the sense of beckoning was so real to me that morning...and all i knew was that i was meant to be running. running under the million drops of rain, seeing the clouds overtake the surrounding hills, and breathing in the jungle spoke directly into my soul. the grin on my face and the joy overflowing out of my heart reassured me that i was very much alive.

we ran until we were hesitant to run any further. i was scared about not knowing where we were and by not having a legitimate map; we were also going to run low on calories and would probably have to turn back anyway (the trail didn't seem like it would loop back into town.) the clouds suddenly became eerie to me, and my mind went rampant with headlines of "two american women captured and murdered in the peaceful hills of boquete." it was time.

over four hours later, i finally cross the bridge that lead back into town. it was pouring & i remember being in pure love. steam arose from my skin as i stood there completely soaked, relishing the experience.

in that moment, i remember just knowing i am meant for this - this love of running and adventure. because in this space, i expand. and it's in that expansive space that i can know more love.

isolate. immobilize. & weaken.

i haven't run in 4 weeks. FOUR. WEEKS.

wow.
that's unfathomable.
and yet, i sit here with my legs propped up exactly in that "unfathomable" space. it is very much fathomable.

i cracked a bone in my foot.
let me be exact: i cracked an extra bone in my foot. it's called the accessory navicular and don't worry, i'm not the only one with this "syndrome." apparently all of my foot doc's kids have it too. (thanks doc, that made me feel better to know that three young kids have an extra bone in their feet.)

i wasn't sure how i was going to cope with having to wear a boot on my foot. i'd be limited to a stationary bike and rowing machine, which is rough since i'm usually out and about ~5xs week cycling, running, and doing yoga. the gym makes me emotionally nauseous, so i was particularly excited about the news.

anyway, short story long...
i've had to be mostly sedentary for the last 3 weeks. (the first week, i put in about 55+ miles commuting and roaming around on my bike to replace running, until the doc told me to stop because i had a crack.) it was truly disheartening. i missed the last of the season's warmth and light, i had to forgo a run around the perimeter of manhattan, two bike camp trips, a backpacking trip in big bend, and the pleasure of being in the hills - heart racing and sweat dripping in the grand silence of the hills.

in this new cracked bone space,
i've noticed something significant as i've stayed present to the healing process.
in order for the bone to heal, my doctor prescribed that i:
1. isolate the area that's injured, and
2. immobilize it until it's ready to be strengthened again.

what's fascinating is that for the first 2 weeks, even though it hurt, my body/legs still felt strong.
but starting week 3, i felt like the surrounding area of the fracture got noticeably weak, especially my right calf. i mean, the solid muscle that used to live there gave its two week notice and moved out! it now feels soft and just sorta dangly.

and yet.
i feel like the fractured bone has gotten stronger. it doesn't hurt anymore. it's still sensitive, but i know it's healing.

well, as all things in life...
this healing process has illuminated something deeper for me.

in pursuing healing in our lives... i think we need to isolate what it is that's "sick, injured, hurt." then stop.
just stop.
stop using it.
stop abusing it.
stop avoiding it.

wrap that area with a boot. it should be:
something soft , sturdy, and protective.
//question: what is your life boot?

something big and obvious to remind you (and others) of your injury.
//when it's obvious and you have to wear it ~24 hours a day, it's hard to miss. i am forced to pay attention and to nurture it. and it's hard for your community to miss. they will ask you how it & you are doing. you consequently engage people around you; and they in turn help encourage you in the journey.

let those surrounding parts get weak.
let it lose its power. submit to the humbling. embrace the dangly-ness.
and eventually, learn to re-build it again.

///
i have a doctor's appointment this monday.
until then, i embrace my dangly calf and now stinky boot. (hey, i can't help it. i have to wear it all.the.time!)

it hit me.

my body's getting older.
i fell twice today. ... .hard
blood, scrapes, major stinging in the shower, you know.
the run that was supposed to be a nice 15 miles turned out to be just two - one mile running/falling/cleaning myself up and the other mile walking back to my car feeling kinda defeated.

what i thought was just surface wounds is turning into achy-ness all over my body in places i didn't even realize had been impacted.

today,
it hit me.
my body is getting older.
it is not the same i remember it to be.
this is what people talk about when they have told me that it just takes longer to recover.
...
i get it now.


i wonder when you all had your "moment."
do you remember it? i want to hear the war wound stories. (it'll make me feel better.)
;P

we all sow.

this morning, i went running in the baylands and was filled with thanks that it's pretty much my backyard.

it's a place
of stillness,
of peace,
of solitude
for my entire being.

i felt at home running at sunrise, listening to creation.
it was in this space that my morning's reflections arose.

what percolated today was this idea that we all sow seeds in each other. everyone we connect or disconnect with, we have/are/will sow something and get sown in. for example, charlie sowed the first running seed in me, then that blind date guy came and watered it - & it's been growing since - i feel the roots deepening in rich soil.

this idea got me wondering...
what is it that i am sowing in others (consciously or subconsciously)?
and what others are sowing in me?
what seeds am i letting grow inside of me?
and what seeds do i notice i do not want planted?
which seeds are getting watered? by whom?

are the ideas/beliefs/values/dreams/fears/loves/hates/desires inside you currently the ones you want to be planting their roots in your soil? if so, how can you continue nurturing those seedlings? if not, what might you need to do to uproot the plants that don't belong, in order to make room for what will bear irresistible fruit?

we can do what we think we can not do.

it was ambitious.
& i suppose i didn't fully understand what i was getting myself into.

but with the information i had, i decided that i would do it.
so, i did. i ran about 25 miles on saturday.

it took me 7 hours to complete it. & i was in some remote places for a while ... alone.
what i had planned didn't turn out as expected. i thought it was a 23 mile route that would take me about 4.5 hours. i had been ready for a long run, so that original idea didn't seem too bad.

i met a few nameless people along the way, got a good beating by the sun & hills, and saw the flora transform as i ran from space to space. it was a run i never imagined doing. but as i run more of these (as some of you might put it) "crazy" runs.....i become a stronger believer that we really can do what we might have once thought was impossible. we humans can indeed change. it is within us to do so.

this run was the hardest running challenge i've done to date. completely self-imposed. amazing. mind&heart-altering. i went through a roller coaster of emotions during the course that i'd love to share if you want to know; just ask. ; ) the totality of it was challengingly beautiful.

check out the route marked with some of my comments.

a few lessons learned:

• pack more calories and water than you think you'll need, just in case.
• eat more calories before energy loss and hunger sets in.
  
• read what the sign actually says, not what i want it to say.
• wrong turns can be fun, but can come at a cost that you'll have to pay for later when you're low/out of resources.
• the sun will zap you of energy; take it easy and be kind to yourself if you're not running "faster than you could be."
• keep reapplying sunblock, especially on the shoulders.
• bring moleskin next time. blisters ain't fun.
  
• get ready to have a nice shorts tan afterward.
• if there is a body of water you can jump into, do not hesitate, just do it.
  
• the glee soundtrack can be energizing! "...don't stop believing!..."
  
• handkerchiefs are great for wiping sweat
• it is ok to walk.
  
• it is ok to stop and rest. in fact, sometimes it's vital!
• follow your instincts.
  
• take a more detailed map; it's worth the extra gram of paper weight.
• headlands 50K's going to be rough; beware.
• do it again.
  

one day

...i hope to have friends i can do this with.
(note. they are running rim2rim2rim at the grand canyon in these photos)

// 3 side notes
i think i have a running-crush on krissy moehl. ; )
it's like how lindy hoppers will form lindy crushes on people they love dancing with.
(& please don't get me started on my biggest lindy crush!)

i'm going to the grand canyon this weekend to hike with my mom & her alpine club friends. originally, i thought i was going to run rim-to-rim (~22 miles), but because of these shin splints, i'm just going to hike it & pray that it doesn't exacerbate the injury. i'm sorta dying to get out there and run, and at the same time it's been a good break.

there's something really good about not being able to do what i want.
this waiting has illuminated the degree of my desire to run. it's also helped me to grow in two ways: 1) to listen more closely to what my body's communicating and 2) to be humble. i have to respect what my body's telling me, which means i have to wait for healing. i'm still young in this world of running and have a lot to learn, even though sometimes i think i'm invincible. moments (i mean weeks) like this, make it clear that i'm not.

anyway, happy independence day weekend folks. i hope you go out there and experience freedom in unexpected ways & that you are empowered to walk more and more in the light of truth and love.

xo

squaw valley to auburn.

i spent friday afternoon driving to robinson flat up near tahoe to camp for the night. it was the eve before western states 100 mile endurance run (states), one of the most epic 100m runs around. about a month ago, i signed up to volunteer because i figured it was the best way to see the race up close. and it was. (this is heather and i on our way up.)
i got to meet the robinson flat volunteer "family" when we arrived. bill (below) being the head of the station, welcomed us "palo alto girls" with a such sense of welcome that i felt immediately at home with all these strangers. the volunteers were so tremendous! it's clear that they love being there. all that they do is with a sense of purpose and service. although the volunteers ranged widely in age, most of them are older (i.e. >60). and given that i lovelovelove old people, i guess you can say i was in a sort of heaven. ; )
(our sunset view from camp.)
being assigned to directing traffic wasn't the most glamorous of positions, but an eye-opening one. robinson flat is the first aid station that crew are allowed, so it's a particularly exciting place to be. not just because it's incredibly stunning up there, but because people are buzzing with a sort of anxious focused energy. but the eye-opening aspect was getting a glimpse of how crew often work harder than the runners. the crew have to drive from one location to the next, stay alert, and put their life on hold to serve someone else. it's beautiful really... the laying down of one's life to love another.

after a few hours of traffic control, my friend heather and i went up to the actual aid station to see some of the runners (and so i could work at the "sponge-down" station). yes sir, i was sponging runners down and i would've had it no other way. ; ) the best part? the noises they'd make when i'd squeezing ice cold water down their neck and heads :: the sound of pure satisfaction.

we packed up camp and then head down to foresthill where we got to see the top two runners zip by. anton krupicka (first image below) and kilian jornet (of spain). it was incredible to get a glimpse of their athleticism, lightness of foot, ease of movement (at mile 62!!), and their support! i am still in awe.

our final stop was at the finish line at auburn high school. i had recently been in touch with stan jensen of run100s.com to get some advice on running my first ultra, so wanted to drop by and introduce myself. he's been super helpful in connecting me to the his running community. while we chatted, he painted a picture of what it's like to finish states....that when the runner enters the stadium, the announcer says, "and now entering the stadium is liz song...." hearing my name gave me the chills. one day i hope to have my crew jump on that bus to come cheer me on and bring me snacks, have that enthusiastic volunteer sponge me down with ice cold water, enter that stadium, and have my name announced as a finisher.

being at states made me wonder, what do i dream of? and what dreams have i somehow convinced myself that they weren't worth pursuing?

how will i keep this dream alive? how must i keep this dream alive?

running update part i.5 of ii.

i found it.
it found me.
we found each other.

this is my first ultra that i'm going to run: headlands 50K

i've just entered into the space that caused my heart to beat just a little bit faster.
*grinning

the schedule's pretty ambitious. i have two months to train.
i hope my legs are ready and they can hang in for the ride...

last week's mileage (~37.5 over two days) started showing some signs of the return of shin splints (ss), which was a bit disheartening. last year, i had a horrible case of the ss that took me out from running for a couple weeks while training for big sur marathon. but i had a longer time frame to work with so two weeks wasn't so bad. i think for this race, even one week of not running will come at some cost.

i feel a bit exposed now that i've said my goal on the internet because if it doesn't work out, i'll have disappointment to share. but, when i do finish the race, i hope to have an good story.

now, who's going to join me? ; )

running update, part i of ii.

so, i've been kinda obsessed with running lately.

[aside]
ok...if you know me, you know that's not particularly surprising news. i can get a little (the operative word here) ocd with things i'm super intrigued by. i can't help it. i'm an all-or-nothing kinda girl, who's learning to navigate the grey.

[back to the topic]
so at the start of this year, i started gathering ingredients for the most delicious stew. i gave myself 5 years to make it because i knew it would take a while. i started looking for rare ingredients like passion, love, courage, fortitude, bravery and the like, because the stew i'm going to cook up is an ultramarathon. i said it. o yes, i did. ultramarathon. (see definition below)

i'm surprised that the desire to run one has manifested so quickly, even given my extended timeline of 5 years! 6 months from giving myself permission to genuinely start thinking about it, i'm convinced i will set out to do run a 50k this fall and hopefully a 50m by mid-2011.

my inspiration has stemmed largely from reading born to run and ultramarathon man this past month. utterly engrossed, i could not put the books down. (i even have a pic with the author of ultramarathon man, dean karnazes, at the start of the relay.)

[the inception]
you might be wondering where the heck did the idea of running an ultra even come into place. well....i remember being set up on a blind date a while back, after i had met charlie engle. at the time, i was completely captivated by running, having had literally converted from hating it.

so this guy (let's call him pdx for fun b/c he looked like a poster child for men from portland: you know...white, flannel shirt, northface outerwear, scruffy face, wool driving cap, drinks lots of coffee, loves red wine, & drives a suburu) was a runner, training for a 50-miler at the time. the morning i met him, i had a run a dozen miles or so and thought that was a lot. well, that same morning, he had run a marathon! - as a mere training run.

part of me was stunned by his level of training and commitment. (alright alright, i was wholly impressed!) but beside that point, that night a seed was planted deep down inside. if this normal guy could run 50 miles, could i?

[back to the present]
well, that seed's been underground, diligently growing all this time. and now, it's sprouting something unexpected and delightful. i am committed. determined. focused. confident. & enthralled. (not to mention....scared shitless.)

this weekend, i ran just over 26 miles. not because i'm training for anything but because i felt it brewing inside of me. my body, mind, spirit wanted it bad and i was willing to go there. the crazy thing is that i can't wait to do it again. i want to get lost on trails, running with all of my heart pushing my whole self in ways i haven't before. i can imagine how challenging and satisfying it will be & i'm thrilled by the possibility.

today i read about this woman Krissy Moehl, running for 7 hours to finish a trail with friends and without hesitation, the first thought out of my head was, "wow, i want to do that too!"this is where i'm at.

i've been doing a lot of research to map out what the next few months might look like and have learned something quite interesting....not by the download of information, but by a big omission on practically every major ultra website. there are almost no asian-american women ultra runners who are widely represented in the space. as far as i can tell, the ultra world is dominated by white men and women. i'm saddened by that, and curious as to what's going on here. i'll have to do some more investigating. more to come on that topic in part ii of my running update.

thanks for catching up and reading about my new adventure.

xo
-liz

ps. needless to say, it didn't work out with pdx. (for you curious folk.) ; )


[definition]
an ultramarathon. defined as anything beyond 26.2, the ultrarunner community doesn't really consider a 50K (~31 miles, for example) as an ultra. the 50-miler is where it's at.

i just wanted to.

so i did.

arriving at the LA marathon 7 minutes before it started was how it happened.
geared with an ipod and phone, i decided i'd just walk the entire thing. why not?
then...around mile 7, i decided i'd start running at the halfway point.

reflection i had at this point: it is okay to develop a strategy along the way.

13 miles power walking the first half of LA marathon.
then, 11 miles of running until my legs started aching.
then, a mix of walking and running to the finish.

i decided to have fun.
walk.run. wave hello to strangers. jump for the photographers and hope they capture a cool shot. stare at people. laugh out loud. smile at anyone. accept fruit from generous giver-outers. stop to pet little puppies. & the most random of all... lol while drinking beer given to me by a man robed in a lavendar prom dress.
that's how i spent memorial day this year.

post-reflection: it is okay to develop a strategy along the way, but doesn't mean it's going to be a good one. (i was so freaking sore that day and the next and the next. more than after running the hilly big sur!)

k. just wanted to share. bye.
(enjoy the bootleg pictures).

the race of my life. to this point.

"what do you expect from me?...what do you dream in the afternoon?" -- amy seeley, from gravel lines (i listened to amy right before i boarded the shuttle. she is always a source of inspiration).

i had three expectations entering into big sur marathon.
1. finish the race.
2. see charlie.
3. be present.

and all three were met, to wrap up what i felt was, nearly a perfect experience.

the journey
tossing and turning, i finally fell asleep long enough to get in maybe 2 hours of sleep before my 3:05am alarm arrived on time. there was no resistance waking up; i was ready to run.

my sister and mom dropped me off at carmel middle school and i hopped on a bus, in the pitch dark, not able to think much at all and hoping the "right" person would sit next to me. the bus was almost entirely full and at the last minute, vince hopped on and filled the empty seat left of me. i enjoyed hearing his story and connecting with a fellow runner, 12 years my senior. (this was his 12th time running big sur, and had participated in dozens of other marathons).

they dropped us off and i stood there wide-eyed and somewhat lost, standing there in the dark surrounded by thousands of other crazy people waiting to run 26.2 miles at 4am. my immediate goals were simple: bagel. coffee. bathroom. & stay warm. it was an organized madhouse.

at around 6:35am, i started making my way to the tail end of the pack. i needed room to start at my own pace and get my head in the right space. half a protein bar, 2 ibuprofens, and my mini aquaphor in my tiny short pocket, and i was set. .......and..off they went... the group in front bolted towards the finish line while i waited 4 minutes to cross the start.


(i hate when my lips get super dry when running. i love aquaphor)

at mile 5, i felt my body wanting to run faster, but i convinced myself that i was "putting money in the bank" right now and didn't want to spend it all and come out with a deficit. it worked, surprisingly. and at around mile 6.5, i started chugging along a bit faster.

i felt good.

passed the 5:45 pace group. then the 5:30. and then the 5:00. ... and then hit the bottom (40 ft) point before the ascension up to hurricane point. a gruesome 520 feet climb for 2 miles. the watsonville taiko drummers energetically beat their drums in a beautiful unison that gave me an overwhelming sense of emotion. i "cried" (meaning, i had my one second reaction which looks much like the beginning of someone about to weep, minus the tears and anything beyond that first sound. honestly, i just didn't have enough energy to spend on crying even though the gusto was there).

and so it began - the ascent. i decided i would run the entire hill, if i could; and to my surprise, i did. i just kept trekking along.

during all my long runs leading up to the marathon, i had hit a major road block around mile 11, so making it up this serious hill, during what i thought would be one of the hardest points, was spectacular.

"remember to look back when you reach hurricane point to see how far you've come," vince told me on the bus ride. so i did; i turned my head and looked back at the colorful speckled row of people making their way up the same path that i had just taken and the path that the thousand ran before me. i appreciated where i had just come from, smiled, and kept going; there was still 14 more miles to go.

(i'm lifting my shirt here so they knew who to assign this picture to, nothing more... and wouldn't you say that old man next to be is looking pretty awesome? 2 thumbs up and a USA shirt-- yeeah!)

the winds up to that point were relatively harsh and they only got more intense as we descended back to 275 feet. hats kept flying off of people's heads and cold wind sent chills down my entire heated body.

13.1 miles and a time of 2 hours 10 minutes. on track.

(this picture had to have been taken before mile 16 b/c i assure you, i did not feel like i look here). correction! this was taken sometime between mile 24-26 because i don't have my shirt around my waist. (keep reading, and you'll understand) wow, craziness.

at around mile 16, hunger pains went into full gear and my body alarmed me of its need for food. with my half a protein bar already nibbled on and gone, i waited till the next GU station. (i really dislike that stuff, but decided i would take anything). i whispered "chocolate" to the old man distributing GU. i wondered if he felt sorry for me because i'm positive i looked like a mess. i opened that thing and swallowed it with a cup of gatorade and instantly came back alive. i grabbed a handful of apple slices and was off again.

mile 18-22 were hard. HARD. haRD. HArd. HARD. hard. hard. HARD.
my feet were burning, and my two index toes (that had already lost its nails from previous runs) were in pain. and the constant up-and-down hills were exacerbating. everytime i started ascending, i felt my savings being drained like the consumer debt in the US. (okay, i exaggerate). but, getting myself to keep going was painful. i walked a couple times for about a minute each time, and somehow i'd regain the energy i needed to keep going. it was one of those "dark night of the soul" times. 4 miles of it. but, i never wanted to give up. i knew i was committed until the end.

at mile 23, a man paced alongside me and asked, "how are you doing?" "i'm really tired," i quickly responded. he assured me there were only 3 more miles left and said i was doing great. he chugged along and i kept my eye on him so i could try to keep up with his pace. meanwhile, i felt my body telling me it was time to dip in to the rest of my balance. now was the time.

around 2.5 miles out, i felt a surge of energy bubble and took off my long sleeve to tie around my waist. at this point, i saw a little korean lady on the wrong side of the road looking desperately for her daughter. i waved to my mom briefly and threw her my shirt. i had just gotten into a groove and was in my zone, so kept going. remembering her words, "you have 1 mile left," my enthusiasm grew and my body kept responding.

about a mile later, there was no finish line, but there was another crazy fan (nat) wearing a shirt that said "i heart liz." nat started cheering and running alongside me. we huffed and puffed together and i "cried" another time, b/c i was so happy to see her and finish the race. she told me, "you have 1 mile left!" in between fast breaths, i replied, "but, that's what my mom told me a mile ago." she kept encouraging me while we raced towards the finish.

next, my sister shows up with another "go liz" shirt and starts running alongside and taking pictures. she can't keep up at some point, and we lose her. i sensed that we were so close that i cried once more and started sprinting towards the finish line. the crowds are cheering me on and i hear "GO LIZZ!" from a cocophony of strangers voices who had - in that moment - become my family. i see rebecca from the corner of my eye, but my eyes are fixed on the finish. my body won't stop until it's done.

(red duct tape is awesome!)

as soon as i cross the line, i lean over, hands on knees and breathe deep breaths. someone comes to help me get a mylar blanket and drink. i must look pretty out of it because he seemed concerned (or maybe he was just trying to hit on me, haha). either way, i'm grateful for help b/c my knees felt like they'd give out a couple times.

wow.
it was finished. 26.2 miles, done.

after celebrating some with my in-person love group (nat, steph, rebecca, sis & mom), i was on a mission to find charlie. he is the man that opened me up to running, so i had to celebrate this accomplishment with him. he was talking to bart yasso and a couple other folks, so charlie introduced me and they congratulated me on my first marathon. (how cool!)

(charlie, in between six beautiful women. ;-)

it was incredible to finish the most physically challenging feat of my life up to this point and to have my running inspiration congratulate me and be present to this huge accomplishment, along with people who i love and who i know love me deeply. people -- what a beautiful thing.

my #3 goal was so clear. how can one not be present to the needs of the human body and spirit when you put it through the kind of suffering that a marathon will do to you? you can't. i couldn't.

it needed drink; i gave it drink.
it needed food; i gave it food.
it needed rest; i gave it rest.
it needed encouragement; i encouraged it.
it needed love; and love abounded.
God's presence in this run enabled me to be fully present.

the wind. the clouds. the hills. the blisters. the sore muscles. the cold beer afterward.
the people. the people. the people. the people.
the endurance. the suffering. the finish. the inspiration. the passion. & finally... the love.


(the unofficial lizzy fan club)

truly, an experience that will continue to inspire me.



the images without the big PROOF across it were taken by the really creative and fun stephrue (who is also a source of creative inspiration).

on longing.

it has not been easy to watch people run, as i've been waiting for my leg(s) to heal from nasty shin splints. it's been 2 weeks since i saw my doc, when she recommended that i stop running for at least 2 weeks. apparently, i overdid it. (um, i think my 5 mile run + 26 miles cycling one day, and next day 9 mile run pushed my already injured legs over the edge). -- guilty, i know.

tomorrow will be exactly 2 weeks since i was forced to stop b/c of some excruciating pain.
pain & waiting. ugh. (or "ugh" reordered = hug. cute.)

these past couple weeks of not running have opened me up to a couple things:

longing.
learning.
& pain.


on longing.
to long. to wait. to love. all...i believe are the same.
to long is to love.
to wait is to love.
to love is to long. (you get the point).

i don't know if you know. but i hated running before i started last sept. but it's transformed into a love relationship. i now love running, but more, i love what happens when i run. my heart, mind, spirit, & body connect. they sync up in a powerful way and it releases me to be fully engaged. in turn, i can be fully me. running makes me a more honest person. forget the pretenses...i am who i am and i love it.

on learning.
i started swimming.

here's a story: one summer during junior high, i swam so much, my hair turned incredibly light brown with blond streaks. i had become part fish (and apparently, part white).

but, my fins are now gone, i'm fully korean again, and my love for swimming eventually got denied and with the awkwardness and dislike of my changing body that comes as a young pubescent girl. that feeling never really went away. but now, i say...what the hey! hey! so i'm back in the pool and loving it! my form is not so good and my swimming economy seems unjust (much like the US), but I hope to bring change (much like Obama). ;-)

no, i won't be posting any pics of me swimming anytime (ever), but mm... would you want to see my cool-dorky goggles? and i KNOW i look like a big dork-a-tron. next up is a swimming cap. (at least i'll look the part, even if i can't play it).

on pain.
listen to your body. when it tells you it's hurting, there's a reason for it. our body's are beautiful, intelligent, and amazing. it's smarter than our mind's might like to think and convincing oneself that "the pain is ok" is a foolish thing. take it from this foolish girl that pounded away and could barely walk before finally pausing and considering that i might be seriously injured.

so why would you want to know any, or all, of this anyway?
because! tomorrow... i'm running for the first time in 2 weeks. a light 3 mile run on dirt. that's what i'm hoping for. i know it will be just as it should be - rainy, muddy, & perfect.

my heart is glad. <3

look to your

right.

there's a little widget outlining my 75 miles in 4 weeks nike+ goal.
it's currently stuck at 42.2 miles and i'm not going to make my goal.
it's just not going to happen.

really.
it won't.

because i've injured my leg, and it hurts to even walk too long.
i long to ride claire and to run, but i just can't. my body was telling me to stop and rest, but i kept ignoring it. and now, it definitely has my attention.

i'm seeing a doctor on wednesday to investigate what's going on. and, hopefully i'll be able to nurse my leg back to shape soon so i can go on with my marathon training. i think this hiatus will knock about 2-3 weeks of solid training out, and force me to re-start small. :(

both disappointed. &thankful.

o yeah.

turns out, i came in 3rd in that turkey trot for women between 25-29 category. pretty cool.  :-)

what hasn't been cool is that ever since that 5K, my leg(s) have been hurtin'.  i think i really pushed it where it wasn't ready to go. 

recently, i've been thinking a lot about how it feels to not be able to do something i want to do.

what does it mean for me to wait?

how do i need to be patient when all i want is an instant fix?  

how do i so easily get into this "let's just medicate, and it'll be fine" (aka: denial) mentality? 

how do i take my able-body for granted? 

on friday, i was feeling pretty angry. unsure of why... i ran through a few different reasons. and regardless of why... i realized that everything felt exacerbated because my leg was hurting, i had a sore in my mouth, my body was super sore from a hard workout on wed, and just blah-blah-complain-complain.  and it made me wonder about people who live in harsh conditions that might cause all sorts of physical ailments. made me think..."yeah, it makes sense that someone might be in a bad mood when they feel like crap; it totally sucks!"

so. ... it made me think of those people who are full of joy &love in the midst of physical pain, and how they are that much more beautiful.  this is especially true of the elderly.... all of those forgotten lovelies around us who are rich in age.