there's this room in the barn

it's a square room that sits next to the kitchen.


in its past life,
it used to be the office of the head honcho of a design start-up, who owned the barn. 
then it used to be a bedroom for the head honcho of a local non-profit.
and for the past couple years, it's served as a lonely destination for meals. (aka, dining room)


it felt a bit like a jail. and i don't know what it's like to eat in a jail cell, but i imagine this experience came close. i put up some photos, threw in some plants, got a rug ... but nothing seemed to fit quite right. 


so today, i pushed the dining table aside, rolled up the rug, pulled out my old easel, and set up shop to start painting. 


standing there with my blank canvas,
i felt the breeze wrap around my left arm and hug my chest, 
i watched the golden rays settle, the plums ripen, and shadows whisper by.


instead of forcing the room to be what i thought it should be, it now has a chance to become what it was meant to be. 


i am beginning to see what was there all along...

utter thanks.

this morning, i woke up.
and i saw in my inbox the most beautiful email subject from charity: water.
it said, "Congratulations! You reached your goal!"

let me be honest, i had felt some anxiety about the possibility of not being able to raise the $2,828 goal i had set out on september 22. but i see clearly now that the anxiety was unnecessary and falsely based.

i can only say that i am grateful from the depths of my heart. thank you to all of you for being generous with your resources and for joyfully giving. i'm blessed to see how excited you all were to give. we've served 144 Bayaka people with our contributions in getting them clean water. but more....i think our own hearts are transformed through the process of giving.

what a beautiful way to celebrate ringing in my 28th year.
thank you all for being a part of my life.

lots of love,
liz

we can do what we think we can not do.

it was ambitious.
& i suppose i didn't fully understand what i was getting myself into.

but with the information i had, i decided that i would do it.
so, i did. i ran about 25 miles on saturday.

it took me 7 hours to complete it. & i was in some remote places for a while ... alone.
what i had planned didn't turn out as expected. i thought it was a 23 mile route that would take me about 4.5 hours. i had been ready for a long run, so that original idea didn't seem too bad.

i met a few nameless people along the way, got a good beating by the sun & hills, and saw the flora transform as i ran from space to space. it was a run i never imagined doing. but as i run more of these (as some of you might put it) "crazy" runs.....i become a stronger believer that we really can do what we might have once thought was impossible. we humans can indeed change. it is within us to do so.

this run was the hardest running challenge i've done to date. completely self-imposed. amazing. mind&heart-altering. i went through a roller coaster of emotions during the course that i'd love to share if you want to know; just ask. ; ) the totality of it was challengingly beautiful.

check out the route marked with some of my comments.

a few lessons learned:

• pack more calories and water than you think you'll need, just in case.
• eat more calories before energy loss and hunger sets in.
  
• read what the sign actually says, not what i want it to say.
• wrong turns can be fun, but can come at a cost that you'll have to pay for later when you're low/out of resources.
• the sun will zap you of energy; take it easy and be kind to yourself if you're not running "faster than you could be."
• keep reapplying sunblock, especially on the shoulders.
• bring moleskin next time. blisters ain't fun.
  
• get ready to have a nice shorts tan afterward.
• if there is a body of water you can jump into, do not hesitate, just do it.
  
• the glee soundtrack can be energizing! "...don't stop believing!..."
  
• handkerchiefs are great for wiping sweat
• it is ok to walk.
  
• it is ok to stop and rest. in fact, sometimes it's vital!
• follow your instincts.
  
• take a more detailed map; it's worth the extra gram of paper weight.
• headlands 50K's going to be rough; beware.
• do it again.
  

that moment.

when i can see someone for who they are.
when i can separate that person from all experiences prior.
when i can accept them completely for who they are in that moment.
when i believe in the incredible power that exists within them.
when i can love them as they are.

that moment has been happening a lot these days, particularly with my mom.

i see her with fresh eyes now.
tonight, while chatting with my mom, i listened to her tell me about all the food she's bought and prepared to take to san diego this weekend. she's visiting her beloved granddaughters and she's taking a feast with her. but as she went through dish by dish, fruit by fruit, what i heard weren't the descriptions. instead, what i saw was a mound of love get larger and larger. sure, sage and norah will get plenty of hugs and kisses, but it's the thought, time and money she spent on preparing that is the greatest gesture. she loves her beloveds with food & service. i finally get it. (and mom, it didn't take until the time that i became a mother myself!)

these past couple months, my mom's been my greatest inspiration.
in about 10 days, she's taking eight days to hike part of the john muir trail with some folks from her alpine group. 120 miles in the grand wilderness. can i just say, i am so proud of her and love her deeply! i admire my mom's determination, strength, sense of exploration, and for following her heart after she's given her whole life to raise and support us girls.

i love my mom.
i think we should say happy mother's day every day. : )

love takes many forms

"Hospitality is the overflowing of a heart that has to share what it has received. It takes a whole person to open up, it takes a secure person to be available, it takes a strong person to give yourself away....Only in opening yourself wide to another are you transformed by the power of love....We must let the person stir us; we must connect." -- ch.1 in the book Radical Hospitality

i've been struck by this idea that letting people into our lives is saying "yes" to letting ourselves be transformed -- and that saying yes means that we may never be the same again.

i say yes.

BOSS

no, not my boss at work.
BOSS -- Boulder Outdoor Survival School (and that's boulder, utah - not colorado). An old colleague and friend told me about her experience at BOSS' 28-day field course, summer of 2006. I remember being moved to tears when she described the intimate connection she had with her teammates and to a sheep that they would take the life of that night. That's right -- slaughter. I was fascinated and thrilled as I lived vicariously through her stories.It was how she felt transformed in who she thought she was, yet affirmed in what she knew to be true, and how much she was able to connect with herself, nature, and to the creator, that captured me. I fell in love with a program/an experience/an agent of change and thought..."i'm going to go summer 2008."
And now, I have that option. To spend 28 days in the wilderness of boulder, roaming around, hiking 15-30miles/day, foraging for food, feeling deprived, getting to know people that have the same mission, letting my hairs grow longer than i like, ... the list is long. No modern technologies - just straight life in nature, making it as real as it can get.

tempted.

(pictures taken from boss website)