today is friday.

the next day is when everything changes.

since getting back from europe on september 1st, i have been thinking about this wedding day, almost non-stop. i'm exhausted from having my brain start at 65mph every morning and from being in a state of gogogo. it's been stressful and tiring, and i have certainly not been my best self. samuel will attest to this fact. (i've said, "i'm sorry for ______," about a thousand times to him.)

but. 

what brings me back to an even slightly better state of being is by letting my gratitude settle in. during these last couple weeks, i've been so moved by all of the care and love that our friends have poured out on us, on me. i am completely taken by everyone's generosity. i feel undeserving of so much abundance, and yet i feel i am supposed to just soak it in and receive. and to simply look in everyone's eyes and say, "thank you." 

what this process has shown me is that people really love me. they really love us. like....a lot of them, and like....a lot of love! they are our family, our church community, our friends: our dearly beloveds.

i can't wait for the gathering of all these beloveds, to bear witness to one of the most important decisions i'll make in my lifetime. i'd be lying if i didn't mention that as much as i'm elated to be married, i'm scared! it's such a huge decision! a tiny part of me wonders if i'm ready to do this. and then this huge part of me responds with, "trust me. this is going to be the best adventure you'll ever go on. let's fly!"

so i walk to the edge of the cliff, spread my arms, and take a deep breath before i jump...