in remembrance of 2014.

last fall, i remember thinking..."oh my gosh, what did i do with this past year!?" it wasn't a a question of curiosity, it was a question stained with judgement about how i spent my time. so i responded by making a list of everything i experienced in 2014 and categorized them. (ahh, i love organization!)

but this list isn't about saying, "hey, look at me!" it's about reflecting on a full year and feeling deep gratitude. it's about remembering that although i had a lot of fun experiences, it was in the loneliness of living in rural montana that i began to truly treasure community. it's about looking back in order to shape how i move forward.

and wowwowwow, do i feel grateful!!

adventures

• biked from canada to mexico with samuel
• backpacking to cedar lake (montana)
• backpacked the teton crest trail with mary and samuel (wyoming)
• hiked all over the madison valley
• summited sphinx mountain (montana)
• road trip to banff & jasper national parks (canada)
• jumping into glacially cold leigh lake (only for a moment, but a lifetime of cold)
• horseback riding with mel (montana)
• this extrovert having to navigate isolation! 

travels

• USA: el paso, texas
• USA: all over western montana 
• N.AMERICA: canada to mexico (bike)
• USA: seattle > portland > bend > shasta > sf/bay (train)
• FRANCE: la havre > fougeres > ile-aux-moines > paris
• USA: jackson hole, wyoming
• USA: catalina 
• USA: la > san diego 

first time experiences

• our first real winter
• ice fishing
• dog sledding
• walked on a frozen lake
• got our car stuck in snow in the middle of nowhere (and had to get rescued)
• first snow-related car accident 
• my coldest day ever at -29 degrees
• my first log sawing competition
• skiing at bridger bowl, whitefish resort, snowbowl, discovery ski
• snowcoaching in yellowstone national park
• shooting a handgun and a (serious looking) rifle
• "helped" ranchers with cattle sorting (translation: i just tried to stay on my horse and not cause trouble.) 
• cattle branding
• lassoed my first calf!
• biking in yellowstone (twice)
• a rural duathlon (bike/run)
• hired a coach
• met william devane
• horse pack trip in the backcountry with people i had never met (except for one person)
• attended a french wedding
• an overwhelming allergy attack in the backcountry 
• attacked by a grouse
• a chuck wagon dinner
• ate moose, elk, and deer
• designed a founder's retreat agenda for a bay area start-up
• joined a food co-op

new skills (also all first time experiences)

• skiing
• snowshoeing 
• cross country skiing
• mountain biking
• baking bread and bagels from scratch
• making yogurt and granola
• making kimchi (and other korean dishes)
• brewing kick-you-awake pour over coffee
• water coloring
• resolving conflict with husband

animals i saw

• saw my first grizzly (in captivity)
• bison
• moose
• elk
• wolf
• deer
• white tailed deer
• pronghorn antelope
• bighorn sheep
• mountain goats
• bald eagles
• mountain blue birds
• magpies
• osprey
• golden eagles
• grouse
• rocky mountain sheep
• scottish highland cattle (my absolute favorite kinda cow!)

lifestyle experiments

• reduced our life down to one car load, then slowly acquire what we needed for our new place
• lived in my first rural town
• completed artist's way
• experiment: 30 days of drinking 3L of water/day
• zero waste living (still pursuing)

passion pursuits 

• got certified in wilderness first aid and cpr
• started building a website to make wilderness backpacking simple for women
• conducted user research interviews for said website
• created a website for a bed & breakfast

choices made toward finding home

• moved to ennis, montana on jan 1, 2014
• moved to missoula, montana on oct 6, 2014
• got a new drivers license for the state of montana
• apartment hunting for three intensive days in missoula and found one

watched

• joy & billy get married
• zack & sarah get married
• jb & nino get married
• my husband officiate his first wedding
• all seasons of friday night lights and scandal in a relatively short period of time. (aka: binging!)

we hosted

• messengers x2
• mary chang
• the first (and only) instameet in ennis, mt
• sister alice
• candice & matt 
• six bike tourists in a span of seven days
• my sister, lily, lydia, and mom
• a neighborly get together in our new town
• jenny morgan

we were hosted by

• the messengers (stevensville)
• the kims x2 (san diego)
• the chois (la)
• paula (france)
• torea & jeremy (sunnyvale)
• mary chang (menlo park)
• mary carrera (san jose)
• my momma (la)
• chris murchison (sf)
• all the amazing people during our pacific coast bike tour

new(ish) relationships formed

• judy
• the noacks
• mel
• the jarvis'
• the maccalls
• the lewtons
• m&m
• the messengers
• folks from our church
• vlad
• brian/ollie
• craig & melissa

and ordinary things

• got my annual dental check-up
• ate almost all my meals with my husband (that's about 1000 meals!)
• took dozens & dozens & dozens of naps
• spent countless days in my pajamas

you can see some pics from this year here.

today is friday.

the next day is when everything changes.

since getting back from europe on september 1st, i have been thinking about this wedding day, almost non-stop. i'm exhausted from having my brain start at 65mph every morning and from being in a state of gogogo. it's been stressful and tiring, and i have certainly not been my best self. samuel will attest to this fact. (i've said, "i'm sorry for ______," about a thousand times to him.)

but. 

what brings me back to an even slightly better state of being is by letting my gratitude settle in. during these last couple weeks, i've been so moved by all of the care and love that our friends have poured out on us, on me. i am completely taken by everyone's generosity. i feel undeserving of so much abundance, and yet i feel i am supposed to just soak it in and receive. and to simply look in everyone's eyes and say, "thank you." 

what this process has shown me is that people really love me. they really love us. like....a lot of them, and like....a lot of love! they are our family, our church community, our friends: our dearly beloveds.

i can't wait for the gathering of all these beloveds, to bear witness to one of the most important decisions i'll make in my lifetime. i'd be lying if i didn't mention that as much as i'm elated to be married, i'm scared! it's such a huge decision! a tiny part of me wonders if i'm ready to do this. and then this huge part of me responds with, "trust me. this is going to be the best adventure you'll ever go on. let's fly!"

so i walk to the edge of the cliff, spread my arms, and take a deep breath before i jump...

gratitude jar | a year later.

i started a gratitude jar back in july 2011. it's like tweeting into a jar with the sole focus of practicing gratitude.

when i first began, i admit i had to think pretty hard about what i was grateful for that day. but every day i practiced this ritual, i noticed it became easier to identify one thing. at some point, the 1"x4" pieces of paper felt limiting because there were so many events/people/interactions that i wanted to acknowledge at the end of the day. 

but let me tell you, i was surprised that i could even do anything every single day for an entire year! (i'm sort of non-committal in that way.) but here are a few reasons why i think it's become a daily part of my life:

• it was simple. wrote down just one thing i was grateful for that day. didn't have to be the most significant, most important, most whatever...just one thing.
• limited parameters. because i only had a limited amount of space to write, i knew it wasn't a big commitment of time - maybe only 30 seconds! that comes down to 182 minutes (or 3 hours) total time spent for the entire year. 
• barriers were removed. the paper was cut, the pen was always there, and i left the jar unscrewed, so i didn't even have to twist it on or off. (i can be super lazy about certain things.)
• created a ritual. i wrote down my one thing right before i jumped into bed. it became part of my night time ritual after flossing, brushing my teeth, & washing my feet. (yes, i wash my feet every night!)

if brene brown is right about gratitude and joy being inextricably linked, then this three hour commitment was by far one of the best investments i could've made this past year. joy certainly abounds!