quote | when the time was fulfilled

The miracle of God comes not only from above; it also comes through us; it is also dwelling in us. It has been given to every person, and it lies in every soul as something divine, and it waits. Calling, it waits for the hour when the soul shall open itself, having found its God and its home. When this is so, the soul will not keep its wealth to itself, but will let it flow out into the world. Wherever love proceeds from us and becomes truth, the time is fulfilled.
-Eberhard Arnold

1.1.12

it was...
to stay in the heart break, anger, and sorrow until i could finally move through it.
to stay crying when i couldn't stop.
to stay with my friends, as they worked through the intensity and hardship of being in marriage relationship.
to stay in one place, and not think about moving on to the next grand adventure.
to stay with the depression of not being able to run after being injured.
to stay in the physical pains.
to stay home, instead of wandering away for another weekend.
to stay with a tedious project i would rather not do.
to stay present to all of it.
to stay engaged.


it's clear to me that i experienced staying to be in the context of some discomfort. this makes complete sense to me since i don't like to be in uncomfortable situations. but what took me by surprise was that i actually have a harder time staying with the feeling of joy. 


because when life was as good as it's been this year, i convinced my mind that it's easier to imagine that what is good, would come to an end. in the latter part of this year, i found myself imagining tragic scenarios unfolding while driving home, riding my bike, running, walking, sitting, lying like a vegetable -- anything really. i felt less vulnerable this way.


"joy is as thorny and sharp as any of the dark emotions. to love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn't come with guarantees - these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. when we lose our tolerance for discomfort, we lose joy." -brene brown, the gifts of imperfection


"until we can tolerate vulnerability and transform it into gratitude, intense feelings of love will often bring up the fear or loss." -brene brown, the gifts of imperfection


but...


"joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are." -marianne williamson


a year ago today, when i wrote about the then unknown theme of stay, i didn't know that when i stayed in all of it: the muck, the delight, the sorrow, the thrill, the happiness, the ordinary... that i would find a deeper capacity for sorrow, gratitude and joy, and therefore a deeper connection with people and with God. 


it's been a profound year of growth. and i look forward to another year of expansion. another year of staying. i hope the same for you too. 


*a dear friend also wrote about her 2011 reflections, and i would highly recommend giving it a read. her honesty and vulnerability are moving. 

quote | william clemmons

journeying more deeply into our deepest center and into the world around us pushes us into seeing more deeply into all of life. not only are we forced to deal with the illusions of our false selves, but also of society.

the one who begins to live deeply as a contemplative begins to see things as they really are. we are called to deal with the illusions of ourselves, so we can enter into a loving dialogue with the world. we are called to embrace the world as we journey deeper and deeper into ourselves and God.

we turn with a singleness of vision, to see God in each new situation, in every person, and every experience--seeing all those things in a truer perspective.

quote | the new community

we can too easily become identified with goodness--feel that we are 'the enlightened ones.' we cease to ask questions about what we are doing, how we are doing it, whether it might be done another way. not only must we question ourselves; we must create the kind of atmosphere that invites others to question us and to give us feedback on how they perceive and hear and experience us.
-elizabeth o'conner


sometimes, i think this means directly inviting people to give us feedback about: the decisions we make, how we spend our money, who we spend our time with, how we spend that time, the passions they see that we're dampening or ignoring, the work that brings us to life or the work that's killing us slowly, patterns they notice (healthy and unhealthy)... there's a lot to list. 


most people don't feel okay offering unsolicited feedback. so until we're able to exude the kind of openness that welcomes it, i think it'd serve us to hand-pick a few special folks who we trust and who love us and to ask them to speak into our lives. 


i specifically point out the "who love us" characteristic because i believe those are the people who will speak the truth, as they see it & as harsh as it may be. love, the great motivator, will allow & foster space for candor, grace, kindness, empathy, openness. 


who are the people in your life that speak into it?

quote | there is no rush

The theology of progress forces us to act before we are ready. We speak before we know what to say. We respond before we feel the truth of what we know. In the process, we inadvertently create suffering, heaping imprecision upon inaccuracy, until we are all buried under a mountain of misperception.


But Sabbath says, Be still. Stop. There is no rush to get to the end, because we are never finished. Take time to rest, and eat, and drink, and be refreshed. And in the gentle rhythm of that refreshment, listen to the sound the heart makes as it speaks the quiet truth of what is needed.
Wayne Muller


Source: Sabbath, Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest

quote | i dream of a quiet man

I dream of a quiet man
who explains nothing and defends
nothing, but only knows
where the rarest wildflowers
are blooming, and who goes,
and finds that he is smiling
not by his own will.
-Wendell Berry


Source: Sabbaths 1999:II in Dancing With Joy edited by Roger Housden

quote | the cost

"It costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the enlightenment or the courage to pay the price. One has to abandon altogether the search for security and reach out to the risk of living with both arms open. One has to embrace the world like a lover. One has to accept pain as a condition of existence." - Morris West
Source: quoted at herondance.org


what does it look like to "embrace the world like a lover?"

quote | old inuit song

i think over again my small adventures 
my fears
those small ones that seemed so big


for all the vital things
i had to get and to reach
and yet there is only one great thing
the only thing


to live to see the great day that dawns
and the light that fills the world.


source: journeys of simplicity by philip harnden

friday morning thots | 8.12.11

stirring around in my noggin, in the flesh & the most invisibly visible places:

• bike camping again this weekend. 3xs in one month = a very surprised me!
• 63 assisted pull ups and zercher squats has made me one very sore girl.
• i feel like a wild bird in this exact moment! 
• what does kindness look like? 
• failure is not fatal. but GEEZ, sometimes it just feels so miserable!
• "ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line." brene brown
• "tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" mary oliver
• i am so grateful. so so grateful. 

happy friday!

(if you remember, tonight is the perseid meteor shower. get up high and stay up late. if you miss it, at least enjoy the almost full moon. (full moon is 8/13, fyi.))

friday morning thots | 7.15.11

what. a. week.

an emotional week, a swirly week full of doubts, assurance, emails with all sorts of striking content, saying goodbye to beloved montana, unexpected connections, snippets of dreams seeming closer to reality, hard workouts at crossfit, a 6 month commitment, two great 20+ mile bike rides, curbside conversation, dancing dancing dancing, mouthwatering dill sauerkraut, evocative quotes (see below), laughing juxtaposed with sadness, a cocktail of anger, phone chat with dad at the togo's parking lot, passion ignited, grace & kindness received, "understand my greatness," reading a bedtime story with a little one on my lap as we rocked, the full moon light, juicy plums...


here's what paying attention to the details of life gets me: seeing the bigger running themes, intentions manifesting, gratitude, slowing down, and presence. 


meaningful quotes from the week:

• Live with no regrets and love with no excuses -Paulo Coelho
• A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. -Mark Twain
• If you want to be strong, be yourself. The real strength you have is in the authentic person you are. -Ralph Marston
• Jesus was more interested in our hearts than our plans. Plans work out or don't; our hearts define our lives -Bob Goff
• If you search for the awakened heart, there is nothing but tenderness. -Jack Kornfield

this week, i have not been sure of many things. but i am absolutely positive of this: i want to live an honest life. 

inspiration | the decisive moment

french photographer henri cartier-bresson articulates the way he exists in the world in this video, in such a way that helps me understand myself better. he's the grandfather of what i love and therefore am part of his lineage. beautiful! 

my favorite quotes in the 18 minute piece:

"life is once, forever."

"it's a recognition of an order that's in front of you."

"photographs you can look at over and over. not many. not many."

"i stood in front of him for maybe an hour and a half in utter silence."

"there's no rule."

"it's an instinct."

"it's a question of awareness. everything in your body, rar. that's beautiful....for me it's a physical pleasure, photography."

"it doesn't take any brains, it takes sensitivity, finger, and two legs."

"i'm extremely impulsive. terribly. it's really a pain in the neck for my friends and family. i take advantage of that in photography."

"i never think. i act. quick."

"you have to forget yourself. you have to be yourself and you have to forget yourself."

"poetry is the essence of everything."

"there's no new ideas in the world."

"death is present everywhere"

"there are some places where the pulse beats more."

"places where i'm at all the time, i know too much and not enough. and to be lucid about it is the most difficult."

"your mind must be open. aware. aware."

"what is interesting is consistency. to keep on on on on."

"the camera...it's a way of shouting the way you feel"

"the camera...it can be a warm kiss. it can be a sketchbook, the camera."

"i enjoy shooting a picture, being present. it's a way of saying, 'yes yes yes!'"

"there's no maybe, all the maybes should go in the trash."

"it's the enjoyment of saying yes, even if it's something you hate. it's an affirmation. yes!"

i wonder what it would be like to live more instinctually... how might i practice that? perhaps saying, "yes yes yes!!" to what arises next. 

Excerpt | Henry David Thoreau

I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.


In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.


_taken from Walden; or, Life in the Woods

quote | kathleen norris

we're supposed to have a beautiful inner landscape. watching a storm pass from horizon to horizon fills your soul with reverence. it makes your soul expand to fill the sky.

-kathleen norris, dakota

inviting the swirls.

Excerpt from Abandonment to Divine Providence:


Oh! divine Love, hide yourself, test us, mingle, confuse and snap like threads all our ideas and systems. Let us stumble and find neither roads nor paths in the darkness. Formerly we found you in the peace of solitude, in prayer, in various religious exercises, in suffering, in helping our neighbors, in turning away from social and business affairs. We have done all we can to please you, but now we can no longer find you in these things as once we did. May our failure compel us to find you in yourself, and then in all things and everywhere.

quote | henri nouwen

let’s be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand. -henri nouwen

quote | lawrence k. fish

find life experiences and swallow them whole.

travel.

meet many people.

go down some dead ends and explore dark alleys.

try everything.

exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life.

-lawrence k. fish

friday morning thots 2.25.11

"to show great love for God and our neighbor we need not do great things. it is how much love we put in the doing that makes our offering something beautiful for God." - mama t

quote :: mama t.

we need to find God, & he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. see how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...we need silence to be able to touch souls.
-mama t
(aka, mother theresa)

a favorite quote.

live with intention.
walk to the edge.
listen hard.
practice wellness.
play with abandon.
laugh.
choose with no regret.
continue to learn.
appreciate your friends.
do what you love.
live as if this is all there is.

-mary anne radmacher

hope.

"remember Red,
hope is a good thing
maybe the best of things
and no good thing ever dies."

-andy dufresne in his letter to his dear friend,
the shawshenk redemption