illness is grounding.

i've written countless blog posts lately...all of course, in my mind.

right now, there are kids being quite animal-like, screaming their heads off playing in a bouncy house caddy corner from the back of the barn, my neighbor's obnoxiously loud fountain is splashing into the pool, a very slow cool breeze is oozing in from the window next to the couch i'm slouched on typing this post. it's 10:27am on saturday and all i've done today is wake up, take out my compost, eat some breakfast and wondered. and now, i'm here.

what was going to be a very rich (and full) weekend has turned into a completely idle one because i got sick. really sick. like, at-the-hospital-getting-fluids-and-morphine-through-an-iv-kind-of-sick. over a week of abdominal pain finally landed me at urgent care, drugged up and feeling very weak. and although it caused some anxiety for my colleagues and family and perhaps inconveniences for some of my friends, it was still a huge gift to get sick!

part of this morning's wondering involved what i would do today. "could i go for a bike ride? maybe a run? who could i call? maybe i'll go for a walk. i know, maybe i will go to my friend's artist reception 1 1/2 hours from here! i feel better! yeah, yeah!!"  and then entered a wise old voice who asked if i should be resuming life as usual, the moment i felt an ounce better. perhaps staying at home this weekend might be worth consideration.

to just be here. 

present to my healing body, listening for what it asks for and not telling it to wait until i have my fun, but to give it exactly what it needs when it needs it. present to this beautiful space i dwell in and to the people who live here. present to the bed of little greens that are taking root and growing their tiny little leaves. 

so i'm here with the cool breeze, the remaining kids still playing outside, and the quiet that comes when my neighbors finally turn off their fountain.

present.