quote | the desert way of being

after i posted my last bit on joshua tree, this quote landed in my inbox:

The wilderness is not just a desert through which we wandered for forty years. It is a way of being. A place that demands being open to the flow of life around you. A place that demands being honest with yourself without regard to the cost in personal anxiety. A place that demands being present with all of yourself.

Lawrence Kushner

towards presence.

i shouldn't be, but i am.

i'm astounded by how easily i slip into dwelling in the past or the future, 

my mind dances with what's possible (or not), 

and what is no longer. 

sometimes it's easier and seemingly less painful to be doing that dance, rather than being present to what is right in front of me. 

but yesterday, i drove over 200 miles to go visit two friends for their annual crab fest. (the term "annual" is used loosely here.) i was slightly hesitant to go because there was a part of me that felt like the drive would be daunting given the current downpour of rain. and it was. i saw a car spin out of control along with several accidents, sat in 0mph traffic, and hit two of the biggest potholes i've ever encountered on a back country road to bodega bay. (poor little civic.)

but i felt some things i haven't felt in a while...inspired. 

and hopeful.

and eager.

and i felt myself moving towards presence.

for now, i can breathe deep again. 

i leave for peru today for a rainy trip to an ancient world. i'm looking forward to the experience and am hopeful for what it might bring. 

hope you end your 2012 with days full of presence, curiosity, and delight. see you in 2013!

peace, 
liz

quote | in the present

Many of us, at least internally, do not live in the here-and-now. We are consumed with what was or with what might be. A great deal of the spiritual anguish we experience is because we are not content to be, to live in the present. We are of the present, but not in it. It is by attentiveness in the present moment that we encounter God.
-Bonnie Thurston

illness is grounding.

i've written countless blog posts lately...all of course, in my mind.

right now, there are kids being quite animal-like, screaming their heads off playing in a bouncy house caddy corner from the back of the barn, my neighbor's obnoxiously loud fountain is splashing into the pool, a very slow cool breeze is oozing in from the window next to the couch i'm slouched on typing this post. it's 10:27am on saturday and all i've done today is wake up, take out my compost, eat some breakfast and wondered. and now, i'm here.

what was going to be a very rich (and full) weekend has turned into a completely idle one because i got sick. really sick. like, at-the-hospital-getting-fluids-and-morphine-through-an-iv-kind-of-sick. over a week of abdominal pain finally landed me at urgent care, drugged up and feeling very weak. and although it caused some anxiety for my colleagues and family and perhaps inconveniences for some of my friends, it was still a huge gift to get sick!

part of this morning's wondering involved what i would do today. "could i go for a bike ride? maybe a run? who could i call? maybe i'll go for a walk. i know, maybe i will go to my friend's artist reception 1 1/2 hours from here! i feel better! yeah, yeah!!"  and then entered a wise old voice who asked if i should be resuming life as usual, the moment i felt an ounce better. perhaps staying at home this weekend might be worth consideration.

to just be here. 

present to my healing body, listening for what it asks for and not telling it to wait until i have my fun, but to give it exactly what it needs when it needs it. present to this beautiful space i dwell in and to the people who live here. present to the bed of little greens that are taking root and growing their tiny little leaves. 

so i'm here with the cool breeze, the remaining kids still playing outside, and the quiet that comes when my neighbors finally turn off their fountain.

present.

quote | spiritual connection

Humans have been trying to fill the hole within ourselves by looking outside of ourselves. We were taught to look outside, to external manifestations to meet our needs, to find out who we are and why we are here. The answers do not exist outside--the answers lie within. The more we awaken to the Truth of who we are (Spiritual beings) and why we are here (to experience being human) and stop giving power to the false gods of money, property and prestige, people, places and things, the more we can celebrate being here!
Thich Nhat Hanh

of the morning still.

a serenity only known in the chill of dawn. 

i stood on hendrik point and noticed the beauty of a bent-out-of-shape fence against an iconic backdrop.

high sierra trail | question certainty

before i left for the sierras, i made a comment about a certain photo of a women wearing her bikini on top of mount whitney. i said (rather judgmentally) that i "certainly won't be wearing my bikini when i summit." 


well, i'm happy to report that attitudes change. and in fact, opposing opinions can easily turn into inspiration if we let go our our egos and remain curious. yes! that is me plus six others in our underwear on top of mt. whitney!!

my friends and i agreed to strip down to our underwear/bikinis when we arrived at the summit. in fact, our two new friends scott & alisa (dad & daughter thru hikers) were open to the idea as well. so when we all reached the summit, we looked at each other and said, "are we really doing this?!" there was an unsaid excitement in the air as we quickly stripped down in the cold. we recruited a lady walking around in her green puffy jacket to take our pictures while a 15-person boy scout troup we yo-yoed with during the trip, hooted & hollered in the background. 


my lesson learned is to consider my certainties....and to re-consider them.


maybe my no or yes can turn into inspiration for saying yesyesyes! or nonono! maybe in re-considering the things i'm absolutely certain - even judgemental - about can be a source for whimsy and inspiration, that i can even invite friends (and strangers) to take part in. maybe it's a source for creating those unforgettable moments that break us out of what we think we know in order to experience something we wouldn't have even considered. maybe it's a catalyst for stepping more and more into being alive. and certainly...it's a source for immense fun!  ;-)

ode to the present | pablo neruda

This
present moment,
smooth
as a wooden slab,
this
immaculate hour,
this day
pure
as a new cup
from the past--
no spider web
exists--
with our fingers,
we caress
the present;

we cut it
according to our magnitude
we guide
the unfolding of its blossoms.
It is living,
alive--
it contains
nothing
from the unrepairable past,
from the lost past,
it is our
infant,
growing at
this very moment, adorned with
sand, eating from
our hands.
Grab it.
Don't let it slip away.
Don't lose it in dreams
or words.
Clutch it.
Tie it,
and order it
to obey you.
Make it a road,
a bell,
a machine,
a kiss, a book,
a caress.
Take a saw to its delicious
wooden
perfume.
And make a chair;
braid its
back;
test it.
Or then, build
a staircase!

Yes, a
staircase.
Climb
into
the present,
step
by step,
press your feet
onto the resinous wood
of this moment,
going up,
going up,
not very high,
just so
you repair
the leaky roof.
Don't go all the way to heaven.
Reach
for apples,
not the clouds.
Let them
fluff through the sky,
skimming passage,
into the past.

You
are
your present,
your own apple.
Pick it from
your tree.
Raise it
in your hand.
It's gleaming,
rich with stars.
Claim it.
Take a luxurious bite
out of the present,
and whistle along the road
of your destiny.